November 25, was celebrated as the day for the elimination of violence against women. Media and social media specifically kept on talking about it, kept insisting that the gender based violence isn’t acceptable at all at any cost. Activities in progress by state departments and civil society organizations start off with the launch of sixteen days of activism campaign by UN Women. I wonder how beneficial these events and activities are in five star hotels. How it would benefit the women who have accepted the different forms of violence as a symbol of submission to misinterpreted need based religious and cultural directives. These are directives are further strengthened by the female religious scholars of different organizations like AlHuda, Minhajul Quran etc in the dars (sermons). A general understanding of violence is that unless and until there is a bleeding wound, a broken bone, other than that everything is normal needs to be accepted as it’s a part of life “ Men are like this” is what society and elders would advise and still do unfortunately. Let’s try to understand what violence is actually. Firstly it’s the emotional abuse which isn’t considered as violence. It can be abusive language which undermines woman’s dignity and self-worth, constant criticism, damaging the relationships by name calling, and the use of derogatory language. One is amazed to know that 31 laws have been passed in our country to protect and safeguard our female population they include work place harassment, honour, acid victims, dowry act in KP and many more. There is as separate law for almost every injustice, maltreatment and violence against women. But the crux of the matter is that these laws are seldom practiced and implemented Secondly there is psychological violence or abuse, threatening, suppression of thoughts and physical harm. Then it’s the sexual violence; which is quite self-explanatory. Economic violence of course connected to economic needs and can be for any vulnerable group including children and women. Stalking is one of the latest types and considered something non-violent and harmless as in a patriarchal society it is natural if a boy is growing up ,to be stalker ,who rarely has the realization that it can result in ending the freedom of movement, right to education and many fundamental rights for women and girls. Then there are social media and cyber stalkers, in both cases it is a common phenomena that girl who is actually the victim is the only one to suffer. We as a society do teach girls to be care full and uphold the honour of their family but boys and their freedoms are justified as per the roles decided by the society. Gender discrimination actually starts off from home, preparing the males to assert certain rights such as violence as a tool against the women in their lives whatever relation it may be. Many men in rural areas who grow up watching their fathers beat their mothers and sisters, also take to perpetuating violence against their mothers. Emotional violence and psychological violence are quite unfamiliar terms for the general public and are not considered violence at all. Looking at the state of women in our patriarchal society the gender roles given to men are of guards, protectors, shelter and food providers and these roles make them eligible to inflict violence of any type. So as far as emotional and psychological violence is concerned it is carried out as a routine and as a right. The right is further strengthened by cultural norms, religious directives and with the suggestion that a good woman survives such petty issues if she has to make a home .There are many proverbs and sayings meant for the submission. Many roles and obligations defined like a good woman would never reply back, men are always angry and ill tempered, and last but not the least an elderly advice khair hay gussa hay tukiya, dil ka tu saaf hay (its ok if he is ill tempered his heart is clear) Lets come to the next category; physical violence which can be further broken down into various categories. Moreover religion and cultural directives uphold the role of a husband, father and brother. The worst examples exist in rural areas where it is normal for men to inflict violence upon women, due to inheritance, marriage by choice or badly cooked food. The legislation against domestic violence did take place in Sindh, Balochistan and Punjab and between 2013 and 2016,in KP its pending as Council of Islamic ideology had some reservations but the ground reality is the rate of conviction is really grim in cases of domestic violence and usually the issue is sorted out internally in the family, so that the family is not disgraced. Punjab made notable progress by establishing the first violence against women centre in Multan under the Punjab women Authority Act 2017, with the provision of shelter, counselling, legal aid and health care. The provincial commission on the status of women in KP has been rigorously into advocating for the domestic violence bill in the last tenure of PTI and is still into the follow up. The roles of illegal jirgas and panchayaat are still deep rooted and have been taking decisions which victimize women in the absence of any female representative. Women even educated ones are reluctant to access the courts for the aforementioned violence as accessing the court can defame them and their families. One is amazed to know that 31 laws have been passed in our country to protect and safeguard our female population they include work place harassment, honour, acid victims, dowry act in KP and many more. There is as separate law for almost every injustice, maltreatment and violence against women. But the crux of the matter is that these laws are seldom practiced and implemented. Our societal attitudes are quite discouraging and restrict even highly educated women to access the court in any situation especially through the notion ghar ki baat ghar main rahay (the issue should remain within home). Majority of our women folk are unaware of such laws but a lamentable fact is that even the bodies and agencies that are to execute these laws remain mostly engaged in cosmetic measures. Lets redefine violence and the constitutional right of equality once again where ever possible. Educate the young ones on the values of acceptance, equality with gender discrimination and of course violence, that it is more than physically hurting someone weaker. Checks and balances on what is being preached in the name of submission in the sermons arranged for women by the so called religious groups in both rural and urban areas, are also crucial. Educational institutions can play their role too. Just thinking as a human being and respect for human beings, it will ultimately reflect in your attitude as a mentor. Parents, family, media, civil society and government should spread awareness about rights, dignity and the existing pro women laws. The chains of stereotypes and myths need to be shattered. The writer has experience in the field of education and is currently working as a resource person in the development sector Published in Daily Times, November 29th 2018.