Britney Spears has admitted that she thought her family was out to get her during her 13-year conservatorship.
The pop icon said in a new passage from her memoir, The Woman in Me, obtained by Time, that she was restrained by her family and sent to the hospital after locking herself in a toilet with her son, Jayden, in 2008 out of fear that she would never see her boys again.
The paperwork to place her under her conservatorship was subsequently filed by her father, Jamie Spears.
“At various times I pushed back, especially when my father took away access to my cell phone,” the Toxic singer wrote in the book. “I would be smuggled a private phone and try to break free. But they always caught me.”
She continued, “And here’s the sad, honest truth: After everything I had been through, I didn’t have a lot of fight left in me. I was tired, and I was scared, too. After being held down on a gurney, I knew they could restrain my body any time they wanted to. They could’ve tried to kill me, I thought. I started to wonder if they did want to kill me.”
The Baby One More Time singer claimed that when her father took control of her life, she experienced a sense of her spirit leaving her body. This caused her to go into autopilot, believing that if she cooperated, they would let her live her life as she desired.
“I didn’t see a way out,” she wrote.