The media tells me that I, and a few thousand fellow Pakistanis, have become ‘CIA agents’. It does not matter that we do not know it ourselves. After all, there are so many other things that we need the media to tell us. My new tag of being a CIA agent is just another one. When did I became one, I ask, in what is apparently a belated attempt to understand and know myself. When you accepted remuneration from a foreign agency, pat comes the answer. These foreign ‘agencies’ of course are all the organisations that give development assistance, which is really a clever vehicle to pay their spies and agents. My esteemed media teachers patiently explained that, when foreign governments come in with their assistance for education, health, infrastructure and rights based work, all of this, and I repeat all of it, is just an excuse to get a foothold to get us to be their agents. It does not matter what the projects are. By this definition of course the Kohat tunnel made with Japanese government assistance is also just to gain passage to the lovely peaceful tourist areas that lie across it. Perhaps my soul has already been ‘dollarised’ and I cannot see anything that does not have Washington’s face on it. That is why I still have a problem understanding the co-relation between accepting foreign governments’ assistance and becoming a CIA agent. By this definition then, the government of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan is itself answerable for a lot. For instance, in 2013, the Pakistan government, represented by WAPDA Chairman Raghu Shah, accepted $ 16.5 million from the US government to renovate three generator units and restore 128 megawatts of generation capacity, which would provide electricity to approximately 300,000 homes. “Tsk, tsk,” says my media teacher, “this is what they tell you. Of course, this is a ploy to give information from these 300,000 households to the foreign government.” So, does this mean that the Pakistani government is also complicit? ‘Yes’ is the answer if we were to believe the former civil servant and now intellectual par excellence and his media host. The hotels and fisheries of Swat are also CIA agents. Through the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa Tourism Corporation and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa provincial government, 251 Swat hotels and fisheries accepted $ 5.4 million for restoration post-conflict. The extent of the CIA agents’ penetration can be gauged from the finding that the Peshawar Municipal Corporation is also a CIA agent. They accepted (horror of horrors) three garbage compactors for waste management from USAID. These agents are everywhere. From government programmes that run on USAID money for the irrigation of 200,000 acres near Gomal Zam and Satpara dams, road construction projects of more than 1,000 kilometres of roads and dairy farms’ upgrading in Punjab, the list goes on. All of them are now CIA agents since they accepted foreign money. It does not matter if it is routed through local, provincial or federal governments. If you accept foreign money, you are an agent up to no good and your patriotism is to be questioned. The worst, apparently, are the NGO workers who enjoy lavish lifestyles, have houses in E-7 sector, Islamabad, and drive Prado jeeps. My media anchor teacher should know this well. After all, there are these ‘foreign assistance accepting’ organisations in the media too. The South Asian Free Media Association (SAFMA) and the Pakistan Federal Union of Journalists (PFUJ), or the different press clubs across the country that work actively with us, are also their CIA agent partners? Should I mention here the journalists who ask for money to be paid to attend events? No, I do not think it is very appropriate here. I can go on being sarcastic but what is the use? As a fellow CIA agent said to me, “If one is illiterate, no amount of exposure and education can remove that illiteracy.” One can of course ignore it or crack jokes as some of us have been doing ever since the said programme aired last week. However, as we tease each other about our alleged Prados and wish for some Prada to be included with the Prado and E-7 houses, we forget how dangerous such media illiteracy can be. There were not many polio field workers’ murders before the Shakeel Afridi episode. To use a health service delivery mechanism to carry out such groundwork was foolishly dangerous to say the least. Hundreds of polio drops administrators and their families have paid for this foolishness and, unfortunately, continue to pay as I scribble this. Presenting unbalanced and biased programmes as facts to the public jeopardises thousands of field workers, social and community mobilisers and their mid-level management. The heads of NGOs and their foreign partners are comfortably working in Islamabad and have the social mobility and contacts to look after themselves and their families. After all, most of the development sector heads are members of the elite through the elitist social fabric of Pakistan, which favours a certain class. The field workers are at risk. To call for transparency and accountability of the NGOs and their work is necessary; in fact, it is imperative. NGOs need to be accountable for their funding and their work. However, colouring the entire sector in one repulsive colour needs to be re-examined. The anchor on his programme showed onscreen a website of the organisation that is an alleged front for the CIA. On this organisation’s website, details of how much money was given to different Pakistani organisations for what purpose was clearly written and also shown by the anchor. The question that my mind seeks to ask is: did it never occur to the anchor that, if Pakistani organisations were really receiving CIA money, would it be on an open source website? What is noteworthy is that most of these organisations were personally known to the anchor but none were given the opportunity to present their ‘dollarised’ defence. Lock, stock and barrel we were tried, found guilty and judged — all on one television programme. Time for me to develop another ‘CIA-funded’ media capacity building programme! The writer is a development consultant. She tweets at @GulminaBilal and can be reached at coordinator@individualland.com