What is everyone smoking? That is the question I ask myself every morning as I skim through the newspapers. The latest offering is that the Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) has presented a list of about three hundred women, children and non-combatants who they claim are being “illegally detained” by Pakistani security agencies. When the honourable Defence Minister denied this, the TTP spokesperson responded, “The minister is not aware of the total number of these cells in the country, let alone the number of inmates.” According to the TTP, such centres are being operated in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa, Balochistan and the tribal areas (FATA). I had to read this news at least thrice to ensure that I was getting it right. The Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan, who have claimed responsibility for about 90 percent of the terrorist acts committed against the Pakistani state and its citizens, is concerned about…let me get this straight…women and children. Have they forgotten the attack on the school van full of children of the Aman Committee of Badaber, Peshawar in 2009? For that attack, the TTP itself claimed responsibility and not some mysterious splinter group of theirs that seems to conveniently pop out every other day nowadays. For a second, let us suppose that women and children have been picked up by the security agencies. In a country where 13 and 14 year olds are being trained as suicide bombers by the TTP, where at least four terrorist attacks have been carried out by women, how is anyone automatically assuming the list compiled by the TTP is that of the “innocent”? I am certainly not suggesting that the children who are trained by the militant organisations are responsible for their actions, given the muddy waters of reasoning, coercion, etc, used, but certainly the children were not sitting at home playing ludo when they were picked up. Not that illegal detention is the solution but returning the children to the TTP certainly does not augur well for the children’s future. Of course, much can be said about the practice of security agencies picking up people and detaining them. However, please excuse me when I express my sheer disbelief at the idea of the likes of the TTP pleading and braying against such blatant violations of the due process of the law. After all, since September 2010, isn’t the gentleman educationist, Vice Chancellor (VC) Islamia College University, Professor Ajmal Khan detained by the TTP? Hasn’t the TTP itself admitted that Professor Ajmal has been kidnapped by them and that in spite of being elderly and ailing he is being detained by the TTP? What is baffling is that the TTP in the very same breath and statement declared that the government committee had demanded the release of the VC but the TTP have not decided yet. The TTP’s “elderly and non-combatants” are allegedly illegally detained by security forces and thus their human rights are being violated. However, the non-state rag-tag militant group, the TTP can openly admit to kidnapping and detaining Professor Ajmal Khan, an educationist whose only crime is that he is related to Asfandyar Wali Khan. How are the TTP “non-combatants” more innocent than educationist Professor Ajmal? Given this background, how can the likes of a political party leader, Professor Ibrahim, make out a case in favour of releasing the women, children and “non-combatants” on the list of the TTP? At the risk of repeating myself — what is everyone smoking? Malala Yousafzai is a child if you ask me, but a woman of marriageable age if you ask the Council of Islamic Ideology. The TTP has claimed responsibility for the near fatal attack on her. Going by both definitions, an attack on her, given the TTP’s recent inclination towards vulnerable humanity, cannot be justified. So, how do they explain their actions then if they are allegedly perturbed about the detention of women and children now? The TTP, this week, has also advised the honourable Defence Minister to “inform the nation about the security forces’ respect for the Constitution and the laws of Pakistan by disclosing the number of missing persons they have produced in the courts.” Blink…Read again…yes this is what the statement says. The TTP concerned about the Constitution and laws of Pakistan. Wasn’t it about six weeks back when the TTP refused to accept the Constitution of Pakistan and outright rejected it as being un-Islamic? Since the Constitution is the mother of all laws, logically, they must reject the resultant laws of the land. Isn’t it why they are rejecting the writ of the State of Pakistan in the first place? So, why all of a sudden, does the TTP need clarity on who is respecting Pakistan’s Constitution and who is not? The TTP believes that the Pakistan Protection Ordinance is also an attempt to “legitimise the detention and internment centres of security forces.” That might be it but why is the TTP suddenly so concerned about questions of legitimacy? A beyond classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, while we citizens watch baffled. Will we be getting lessons of legitimacy and human rights now from the TTP? This alleged list that they are floating around, how many “innocents” are there on it? Or is it a ruse of the TTP to try to get public sympathy in the name of women and children? I started by posing the question: what is everyone smoking? Perhaps I should end with a suggestion to self: in order to survive in Pakistan, I should start smoking the same. From the looks of it, this is going to be a long one. The writer is a development consultant. She tweets at @GulminaBilal and can be reached at coordinator@individualland.com