Journalism is a difficult job in Pakistan. If an institution or political group is unhappy with a journalist, their life becomes difficult. However, journalists continue to work despite the threat of terrorists and mafias. Many of our colleagues have parted ways with us, most of whom did not receive justice. Arshad Sharif, Saleem Shehzad, Mushtaq Khand, Abdul Haq Baloch, Razaq Gil, Haji Zai, Malik Mumtaz, Mahmood Afridi, Saifur Rehman, Islam Durrani, Ayub Khattak, Makram Khan, Arif Khan or Misri Khan, Wali Khan Babar or Aziz Memon, Musa Khel or Chishti Mujahid, Hidayatullah Khan or Aamir Nawab, Raja Asad Hamid, Fazal Wahab or Salahuddin, Ghulam Rasool, Abdul Razzaq, Muhammad Ibrahim, Sajid Tanoli, Shahid Sumro and Lala Hamid Baloch, all were martyred for the cause of truth. Journalists Arooj Iqbal and Shahina Shaheen were both killed by their husbands. Sadaf was martyred during her duty. Despite this, the journalist community has not come together. They are being killed, and their salaries are not being paid on time yet they are still divided over disagreements with one another. They side with political parties and institutions, but they do not speak up for their colleagues. If someone is targeted today, someone else will be targeted tomorrow, whether for personal benefit or out of compulsion. Censorship and oppression characterized Shahbaz Sharif’s era in journalism. I recall Nawaz Sharif and his family continuously attempting to exert control over the media. In their second tenure, when they were embroiled in a huge media feud, the said publication was reduced to one page. I was in school at the time, but I used to read the newspaper religiously. This media outlet used to heavily criticise the Sharif family, but it has now become their mouthpiece. When this newspaper was cut to one page at the end of the 1990s, I was taken aback. I assumed they had ordered it because our elders used to tell us that during General Zia-ul-Haq’s rule, censorship was so severe that journalists were routinely flogged. Nawaz Sharif, on the other hand, was a democratic leader. However, it became clear over time that authoritarianism also exists among democratic leaders. We should not use someone’s death for our ends and remember the deceased as a human being. When Nawaz Sharif came to power, he appointed many journalists to important positions, including ministers and ambassadors. He did, however, consistently distance himself from journalists who were not sycophants and spoke the truth. Pervez Musharraf, a military ruler, let private media function throughout his administration. Print, electronic and radio media flourished during his period but after a while, he became concerned about press freedom and attempted to criticise it. He attempted to impose stringent limits on journalists and even cancelled their shows. Journalists and civil society began protesting against him, and I, as a student, joined them. When we, as students, protested on major roads, the media and foreign media captured our images, which were then published the next day in newspapers and on websites. When my family spotted me holding a “Go Musharraf Go” placard, they expressed concern that girls and children should not engage in such protests. My dad, on the other hand, said there was nothing to worry about and that I should go. Girls in our culture should participate in such activities as well. When we protested against President Pervez Musharraf on Constitution Avenue, the police and army stood back. They never said anything and always respected our beliefs. Then, the era of dictatorship ended, but now in 2023, there is a worse ruler. If you protest and see if someone tweets criticism about you, sooner or later, you will disappear. When you reappear, your software would have been updated. During the PPP government, I had joined a private channel as the host of Parliament Diary and later started field reporting. Terrorism stood at its peak in the eras of Musharraf and the PPP and many journalists lost their lives while performing their duties. However, the media did not face many restrictions. Once Nawaz Sharif’s third term began, social media became active. Institutions and political parties formed their social media teams and journalists became targets of the government’s social media pressure. The Muslim League-N and PTI social media staff collaborated on this. Abuse, threats, and unethical behaviour were common. Nawaz Sharif not only granted his favourite journalists tickets, but he also appointed them to jobs. Some journalists and anchors were even chastised for being anti-government. PEMRA sent notices to them and steps were made to shut down their shows. They were abused on the ground as well as on social media. In addition, Nawaz Sharif’s puppet PEMRA Chairman shut down channel transmissions. For the first time in history, all private media outlets were blacked out. However, the sun set on their power, and Imran Khan arrived. Imran Khan declared social media and the media as his strength. The people thought that change would come, but that did not happen. Firstly, the journalists suffered financially, and many became unemployed. Even those who criticised the movement for justice lost their jobs. However, Shahbaz Sharif’s government exacerbated the previous government’s tyranny. Journalists such as Imran Riaz, Sami Ibrahim, Farooqi Shahid, Aslam Aslam, Moeed Pirzada, Sabir Shakir, Shafa Yousafzai, Sadiq Jan, and Arshad Sharif were targeted for retaliation, with the last getting assassinated. Despite this, the journalism community remained divided. Some are harassed on social media, while others are harassed in person. Organized campaigns are being launched, in which anchors and women journalists are being specifically targeted. Their character assassination is being carried out, trends are being created against them, and videos are being made to mock them. I began working in the media in 2008. I was a student at the time, and I had no idea while advocating for justice for others that one day, I would become a victim of injustice myself. Even six months after my journalist husband, Arshad Sharif, was murdered, I am still waiting for justice. It appears that the killers have vanished into thin air, and there is no one to bring us justice. It’s been a long time, and none of Arshad’s assassins have been apprehended, not even in Kenya. Arshad was aware of the dangers inherent in his line of work, yet he was unafraid and had entire faith in Allah. He left me behind, to face the hardships alone. He’s in a better place, while I’m in a poor one. I disliked being in the spotlight, and Arshad avoided it, save for his show. But now I’m front-page news. I try not to cry, but my tears are the means by which people show their support for Arshad’s case. We urgently need to establish some principles and be sensitive to any loss of life. We should not use someone’s death for our ends and we should remember the deceased as a human being. This is quite crucial. I’ve evolved significantly. I’m always crying. What I witnessed at Arshad’s martyrdom broke my heart. Arshad was shot in the head, and the emotions of those who knew him, as well as seeing him in the mortuary and as a corpse in the cold storage, have devastated me as a human being. What I witnessed at Arshad’s death broke me as a person. I no longer laugh, watch television, or eat food. I’ve turned into a walking corpse and have no idea how to return to my former life. But I will not stop advocating for justice. I will not let anyone else suffer through the agony that I have. As a society, we must evolve, we must respect human life and treat one another with kindness and sensitivity. I hope and pray that justice will be done for Arshad and all other innocent victims of violence someday. And I pray that one day, I will regain the strength to live. The writer is a journalist and wife of renowned anchorperson late Arshad Sharif.