Domestic violence is scary. I think any form of violence is scary but what makes it scariest is that females in our society are more prone to it. So if you are born as a woman, be ready for the sickening explanation that follows violence from a spouse or any other family member. As per the survey by Thomas Reuters Foundation Pakistan is the sixth most dangerous country for women considering that sexual crimes and domestic violence remain a serious problem.
Alarming, right? I wonder why is it hard for a woman to leave an abusive relationship? Are there no laws for women’s safety? Yes, there are laws, but the poor judicial system and accessibility to the laws remain problematic for women. It has been talked about repeatedly with a stress on improving the whole process and policy so that maximum women can benefit from it; if they opt to report it.
I do not want to delve into the lacunas in-laws for women’s safety in this article. There is not an iota of doubt that how much these laws are important to ensure women’s protection and rights, but my purpose is to share the observations about the question I posed in the beginning.
I believe that women who get caught in a web of toxic relations find it difficult to get rid of it because they lack a support system. Cultural and religious values manipulate their position in society. Consider this; sons are preferred because they take care of the family economically. By the same logic, daughters are a burden and are only supposed to get married to keep the honor of the family. I am sure even the uneducated among us have this ingrained in our minds, but how many of us know that the way we treat our daughters increases their vulnerability to abuse?
Women at an early age are fed with the message that their parental home is temporary and the ultimate aim of their lives is to settle with their spouse and procreate. Restrictions are put on mobility to protect the honor of the family that makes it difficult to connect with other women and develop consciousness about their problems. Once a woman is trapped in a toxic relationship, there is no one to her aid. Based on my interaction with people on the same topic, it is easy to categorize the responses and the craziest response I have come across is that domestic violence is a family dispute, not a crime.
In one particular case, an acquaintance had two divorces and her family still wants her to give marriage another chance. This hits me the most. After two failed marriages, and the pain of living with a toxic person who abuses your being, both psychically and mentally, why do families want their daughters to go through the same torture for multiple times? Either they are forced to live in an abusive relationship or they make a conscious decision for the future of their children. The societal pressure is so immense that in most cases parents do not want to take back their daughter intact before the damage. The culture of silence only makes the matter worse.
As a society, we need to take responsibility for our acts individually. We are living in the 21st century. For the sake of humanity, do not differentiate between a son and a daughter. Invest in daughters’ education and teach your son how to treat a woman. Do not live in denial mode. This is the least we can do to make things better.