Dear Mathira & Rose,
I am 35 years old and have been married for eight years. My husband is a good man but he is the biggest miser in the world, to the extent that it’s becoming embarrassing for me. He does pay our bills, children’s school fee etc, but never gives me any pocket money. Not even for clothes or shoes. I have to ask my father. I don’t ask him for luxury money; only basic requirements. He only buys our children stuff like clothes, shoes, school bags etc but never for me. Not even for waxing or salon money or if I’m going out with friends or out of the house. I cry and plead but he doesn’t give. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I steal from his wallet but that’s it. What do I do?
Rose’s advice:
You’ve been married to this guy for eight years which is not a small time period. Even if you consider the Islamic point of view, you need to fulfil all the rights your wife has. You can’t just provide her and give her food or pay your kids’ fee. You need to keep your wife happy. If he’s being stingy and miserly, then it’s not right. You can’t ask your dad or your family your whole life. If you’re married to him, then you’ve become his responsibility. You need to sit down and have a proper talk with him. I don’t think you should cry, plead or steal from his wallet because no, that’s just not right. You need to sit down and even if you have to involve someone else, do that. Involve his dad and involve your dad. Tell them this is what I’m going through and I need to have a pocket money, which is every wife’s right. Even if it’s Rs 5,000, Rs 2,000, Rs 10,000 or even Rs 1,000,000. The wife sometimes needs to get something done for herself. Tell him that you need to have access to your account and instead of you asking him for money, he can simply transfer in your account. Get your ATM card made and spend from what he transfers you. You need to involve some elder in your problem, sweetheart. Otherwise, this’ll become an even bigger issue, with you feeling hurt and then you’ll end up stealing again. You need to solve this as soon as possible.
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Mathira’s advice:
Please don’t steal. Stealing either from your husband or from anyone, stealing is stealing. So let’s not do that, plus you got kids so you don’t know who might be keeping an eye on you. But yes, I’d say one thing to your husband, which is what the heck? You know people don’t understand responsibilities and not only like you said before – school bills and home rent, etc. It’s also being there for the woman emotionally which means looking after her. It’s a big thing really and you need to take it seriously and take a stand. You can’t just cry, steal from his wallet, plead or take from your dad. Talk to him, stand up and say this is not how it’s going to work. Let’s see, if he has some financial mess up, you still need to stand up.
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