Dear Mathira & Rose,
I am 31 years old and in a long-term relationship with a guy who I love endlessly. Marriage is on the cards as well. A couple of months back; I attended a close friend’s birthday party and took some intoxicants. One thing led to another and I ended up making out with a female friend of the friend on whose birthday I was at. It was stupid and it didn’t mean anything. I came home and tried to forget about it. I mean I’m very much straight. But I can’t stop thinking about her. She made me feel very special. Something I don’t feel with my boyfriend. Now, whenever I run into her at get-togethers, my face turns red and I can feel her eyes on me. We didn’t talk after that. The other day, she added me on Facebook and messaged if I wanted to meet. I didn’t reply. Now, I love my boyfriend but can’t stop my feelings for that girl. It’s not fair to any of us. Please advise.
Rose’s advice:
The point is that you have cheated on your boyfriend. I might come across as harsh or sound rude but I don’t think that you cheat and then blame it on alcohol or the situation or even the other person. No. You cheated and it was a choice. Clearly, you’ve feelings for this girl even though you say you’re straight. Since you haven’t been with a woman before, you don’t know for sure if you’re straight or a bisexual. I think you’ve to let your boyfriend know of what happened as he has the right to know. I don’t think you should keep it in the dark. You need to see what you need to do. You need to tell him the truth and ask for his forgiveness because I believe if you’re in love with someone, you don’t do this to them, even if you’re dead drunk or out of your mind because in the state of intoxication, one only remembers their true love. If you’re falling in love again, that means it wasn’t love the first time. Something is wrong and I believe your guy has all the right to know what’s happened behind his back. You need to take time off and decide what you need to do with your life because if you meet up with her then you’re going to hook up and chances are that this woman might break the news to your boyfriend herself which will be disastrous. You need to come clean because cheating is a choice and clearly you’ve made the choice.
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Mathira’s advice:
Cheating comes with an option. If you don’t want to cheat, you don’t. If you do, then you cheat. Whatever you did was very petty. Having feelings for another woman is very stupid because you’re going to get married and you need to get out of this stupid wonderland. Come back to reality, pick up your mess in a nice way and live your life correctly. If you do something stupid, you’ll regret it your whole life.
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