I am borrowing this title from a book I read recently by Rebecca Solnit. It was a part of a book club virtual session held by U.S. Consulate General Lahore, Catherine Rodriguez. This title would bring back memories and instances for all women and girls. In offices, at market place at homes and most aspects of our everyday lives we have witnessed how men will step in and assume that they can speak for us.
For me, the most absurd is when they want to explain things relating to my body. I remember once discussing my state of dysmenorrhea, while applying for leave at work and my male boss casually saying its common and the body can tolerate the intensity with the help of certain medications. His gender has never experienced this particular organ related pain yet he feels he fully understand and is somewhat an expert on the matter is both fascinating and disturbing. It is tiring and some of us choose to be quiet and let it slide because it is physically and mentally exhausting.
Fellow women like me are interrupted, given unsolicited poorly thought advice, out of context explanations by men of our own truths. Is there anything more arrogant and condescending? When another human being assumes their explanation is superior, it is a direct undermining of another’s intelligence and in this case, a woman’s or a young girl’s.
Why is self-restraint difficult for males? Also many will argue that not all men mansplain. Perhaps true, but all women have been a victim to this. According to thelogicalindian.com,
“On an average men mansplain things to women at work six times a week. That’s 312 times a year. The struggle is universal and real, varying in its degree from bedroom to the boardroom or from family dinners to the concourse.”
Casual sexism and gender bias are both connected to why men behave this way. Years of misogyny and embedded patriarchy sets us back every day.
During my work I am often told women and young girls don’t speak up? As young girls we are told to hold back, act lady like, please others, hackled and bullied if we do speak up. That translates into a pattern we carry all our lives. Only 4 percent of women are seen in leadership/managerial roles in Pakistan and we wonder why the number is so low?
The word “Mansplain” was added to the Oxford dictionary in 2018. It first articulated in its present form in 2008 but we have lived with it for centuries. I won’t even term it particularly as a feminist issue; it’s a basic human right. We reclaim our right to explain ourselves as intelligent beings with free will and thought. Dear men, stop mansplaining.
Ramma Cheema is the Founder and CEO of Beti, a social impact enterprise. She is also a media and advocacy expert with a special focus on female inclusion.
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