While they ask us not to glorify wars, quite a little do they know that promoting peace at a gunpoint isn’t possible either, especially in a country like Pakistan, which is fighting terrorism for the past two decades now. Though the situation is a little bit better and under control now, it has left many people desensitized towards violence; however, there are still hundreds of thousands of others who are all set to sacrifice their lives to secure their motherland. The idea of Shahadat (martyrdom), which is the deepest desire of all Muslims to attain, is usually connoted to a battlefield or a border, but this very notion took a 180 degree turn when the unarmed students confronted the miscreants extemporarily, who stormed Army Public School Peshawar exactly six years ago on December 16th, 2014. “Ammi jee daer firing de, please pray!” (Dear mom, incessant firing is underway, please pray!) was the message that popped up on my mother’s phone screen right at 10:45am on December 16, 2014. It was the very first and last message that we received that day from my youngest brother Saqib Ghani, who was a student of bachelors (4th year). We switched on the TV and all the eyes were on the screen hoping and praying to see him fleeing the school premises successfully. All of us were calling him since then but he did not respond to any of our phone call. While Papa drove too fast that day and reached there within no time but the area had been cordoned off already and they were not letting the parents in, so my father kept waiting there for almost four hours and took all of his official contacts on board but nobody could enter the premises anyway. Meanwhile, I turned to the Twitter to follow the updates as pictures of students being saved from the heinous attack and the casualties were being reported there every now and then. I was so hopeful that everyone who did flee looked like Saqib to me, and was yet so dreaded that each casualty resembled him nevertheless. I am still not sure whether it was actually him or not, but I saw him lying in a Suzuki Bolan with two other casualties at 11:30am in somebody’s tweet, and it was when I just lost all the hope but remained silent or maybe in denial until my elder brother found his name at 3:10 pm amongst martyrs in the list displayed at CMH, Peshawar. During all the panic, a number of schoolchildren escaped the scene, many others tried to hide themselves from the terrorists, but some of them actually fought the miscreants till their last breaths. And according to two of the eyewitnesses, my brother Saqib Ghani was one of them. He and his friend stood like a shield in front of their female teacher as the two terrorists entered their class. They tried to approach the teacher first, but my brother along with his class fellow started fighting them until they were shot in their heads. We, upon receiving his body, saw so many small hairs stuck in his nails and few marks of nails on his face as well, which proved as to how bravely he confronted them all. However, it actually took us too long to realize that he won’t die a natural death. Though we remembered the dream he saw in his childhood, each one of us ignored it thinking it does not have anything to do with the reality. He was in Class-2 when he got out of his bed and ran excitedly towards Ammi in the morning, saying that he saw Prophet Muhammad (SAW) in his dreams, who handed him over a clay vessel having red sherbet in it, which was later on predicted by some religious scholars as jaam-e-shahadat (bowl of martyrdom). To embrace martyrdom was etched in his head since long but none of us really acknowledged it or we probably could not even imagine outliving him. Tracing back to October 2014, I and he rushed to the car without seeking our parents’ permission just to drive around in the cantonment area while listening to music in the highest volume, as this used to be our most favourite getaway since beginning. But there was something different – something unusual about that day as he told me many strange things. It was when he said that you all will soon enter a number of places with my reference only, which became a reality right after two months. Having quit BE Hons at a university, he joined two-year bachelor programme saying that he simply cannot wait for four years to join armed forces. Besides studying hard, he had joined gym and took healthy diet just to be fully prepared for the upcoming inductions. And we knew he would make it to the Army because he was never amongst those who gave up on their passion. Besides, he asserted many times that he would request to be posted to FATA (erstwhile tribal areas) and would fight the miscreants there until he embraces Shahadat and we always used to shut him up saying that he could wish for returning back alive and successful from the operation instead – to which he never agreed but smiled. He always had bigger dreams and had never yearned for something basic. It was some three days before the carnage took place that my brother accompanied by cousins was walking as some political convoy passed by them. While all of them talked and daydreamed about becoming political figures one day, Saqib remarked that there would be a day when Imran Khan along with his motorcade would come for me, for which he was jeered at by all of his fellows. But that became true as well later when they all came for his condolence. Due to him being a bit friendly but reticent as well, we all used to tease and kid him a lot, to which he hardly retorted back. However, there’s nothing that we didn’t share with each other in all those years. We composed music and songs ourselves, and sometimes with the help of his other friend and then used to sing them all together. We habitually discussed our aspirations for hours, talked about our friends’ circle and we even messaged each others’ contacts without letting the recipients know about it. He wasn’t only a brother but my best friend who used to embrace me every single day I returned home from office and used to ask as to how my day was at work. A day before his martyrdom he did the same. He hugged me tightly but then he told all of my immediate family members that she is the youngest of all that’s why take good care of her, although he was younger than me – and I still wonder what made him say so. I just wish we knew that he would leave this soon. I wish we could have spent more time together and had shared more laughters. Oh my youngest brother-cum-best friend! I want you to know that you have left us desolated forever. Lost her brother to the APS carnage in the year 2014