From the ultra-sound room, the pregnant woman accompanied by her mother-in-law came out with a melancholic face. ”It’s a baby girl”, murmured rather grumbled the mother-in-law to her son. This news left the family in absolute dejection and depression. This is a usual scene outside the ultra sound clinic or a gynae ward. A married woman regardless of whatever class she belongs to, fears the conception of a female gender child, especially if she already has a daughter.
Just a few days back an FIR was lodged against a kiln worker by his wife, for murdering their new born baby girl. On the other hand according to him his wife helped in burying the child without showing any remorse. Were both the parents equally responsible for her murder? but regardless of whosoever was responsible an innocent and vulnerable life is lost.
Gendercide, sex–selection murder, so called preference for a son is the saddest and most cruel reality in our region. In a region where a female child birth is so unwelcomed and the women face ultimate social pressure, as a policy there should be a banner display in each and every government private gynae hospitals and health care centers mentioning medically proven fact that only and only a male semen determines the gender of a child.
The woman is not responsible for the child’s gender at the time of conception. Social education is a key factor to break the centuries old mould. To my dismay many educated people are not fully convinced to this proven fact and try to add on whatever suits them.
The gender discrimination starts right after the conception. Giving birth to a boy is considered to be a success, while giving birth to a daughter is like a partial failure in exam, one has to keep on reattempting till success is achieved. This is educated urbanite social take on a girl’s birth, phrases like “Oh koi baat nahi” are said on the arrival of a female child …it’s a softer condolence. Some educated and the enlightened families who rejoice the birth of a female child as the first born are so gloomed and disappointed if the second child turns out to be a female. The family is considered incomplete till a male child is born, people even try to support such views by giving religious references. Now I understand why Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was blessed with daughters .He (PBUH) being the role model not only for Muslims but for humanity, Allah bestowed the blessing of daughters upon his most beloved and last Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to convey a clear message to people of all eras that a female birth is not a symbol of weakness or a curse.
In our region a son’s birth is considered to be a success and insurance, he will earn for his family. Sons are preferred for continuation of family line and looking after aging parents. Meanwhile the daughter is just another expense. This phenomenal approach has deep rooted causes and dowry is a prime stimulating factor.
Practice of dowry is very disgusting. Dowry is given in different forms ranging from the branded watches, designer dresses, luxury cars and cash amount given to the bride groom and his family. A truck loaded with house hold goods, a set of charpoys and a huge steel box called ‘ paiti’ is the dowry sent to the bride groom’s family by lower middle class. Every income group blindly tries to follow the dowry tradition. It is considered to be the bride groom’s family’s right.
Such strings strangle the female child right after her birth. The few minutes old child is the most defenseless victim of gender discrimination. In extreme cases some parents make the horrible choice to end their baby girl’s life, the mourning starts right after her birth. Even after the infancy the threat of physical harm follows the girl throughout her life. Women suffer the most in those societies where women’s rights practically mean nothing unfortunately we are one of them. Many educated women weep after the birth of a female child. In a male driven society her birth is a sign of weaker status and her place is inside home only. The son on the other hand is the main inherent and breadwinner. People come up with advise for another try for a son to the parents.
Girls education will lead to a positive change as women get the opportunity to go to school and obtain jobs they gain a respectable status in the community. The grass root level plan for female education and empowerment is the path to a better tomorrow. A Bigger change like elimination of gender discrimination which starts right from the child’s birth can take place only when females themselves would protect their own fraternity.
Ironically a woman makes other woman’s life miserable on giving birth to a woman. This has to stop the female fraternity have to come out of this band wagon attitude and raise strong daughters. Dowry has to end and female education should become the social norm. Instead of planning for her wedding plan her education. When a girl is educated a whole family benefits from it she uplifts the entire social system. An educated and financially independent woman knows her rights better and becomes a source of strength for the family.
We have to start from somewhere to put an end to this impasse. We ourselves have to be the change to bring that change. This discrimination is not a women issue it is a human issue. Women need to have power not over men but over themselves. ”Investing in girls and women isn’t just the right thing to do, it’s the smart thing to do” – Jill Sheffield.
Nabiha Shahram is a children’s right activist and a former educationist