Coming from the womb of the subcontinent, and having lived by the indoctrination of the British colonials, Pakistan has always been a target of rinky-dink thoughts. The world, nowadays, is divided into many dissensions. However, the main tension between the West and Pakistan, in particular, remains the detached perspectives from the cultural and religious values.
Arranged marriages in Pakistan are a type of matrimonial relation, in which both partners are chosen by the parents and elders of their family with/without their consent. A part of Pakistani culture, such marriages have always remained dominant over all other types of marriages.
Facts show that over 75 per cent of marriages in Pakistan fall into the category of arranged or semi-arranged unions.
With a majority of right-wing politicians, many in Pakistan endorse arranged marriages. The majority of the citizens rely on such unions due to their strong affiliations with the other family. Many back up their descendant’s marital decisions using religious/Islamic perspectives.
Some simply concur with such settlements with the help of cultural values and norms shared by their elderly kinsmen. Meanwhile, very few scrutinise the factual/statistical success of arranged marriages.
Talking facts, Pakistan has one of the highest success ratios of arranged marriages globally.
The research conducted in 2003 showed that 89 per cent of the arranged unions in Pakistan resulted in success.
Looking at the other side of the picture, a left-wing minority of Pakistan ignores the success rate of marriages and rather focuses on the consensual course, involved in all parts of the ceremony.
Forced marriages have now become a traditional practice in rural Pakistan
Believing in emancipation, they believe there is no difference in arranged and forced marriages as both have an absence of consent among the partners. For many years, the world has witnessed cases involving the child and forced marriages.
Pakistan has its bucket full of such cases. Many forced marriages, the majority of which are categorised as arranged, have now become a traditional practice in rural Pakistan. Although such marriages are illegal in the land, the patriarchal family structures make it difficult to seek help if the upshot is that parents could go to prison.
The recent murder of Sana Cheema, an Italian-Pakistani tricked by her family into travelling to Pakistan to be married, is a case in point. The UK’s Forced Marriage Unit mentioned Pakistan, with 439 cases, as the highest among the top four “focus” countries in 2017.
To conclude, I interviewed a 25-years-old girl from Lahore about how she felt after her semi-arranged marriage. She said, “I remember the day my wedding cards arrived. Seeing the bundles of neatly stacked freshly printed cards about to be delivered to everyone, it finally started to sink in that I am going to get married.”
She continued, “It struck me how in a matter of days I will leave my home for another person and live with him in an altogether different place I’ll call home for the rest of my life.”
“One of my aunts lovingly said, “Yeah, for as long as you live.” As my family was ticking off items from their to-do list, someone asked who would be performing the ceremony?”
“And for the first time, after my engagement, I thought about the most important thing about this wedding: THE NIKAHNAMA/WEDDING PAPERS!
I’ve been reading articles on my Facebook feed regarding how certain sections of Nikahnama are already crossed out before it reaches the bride for her signature.”
“So I casually asked, “Hey what’s the Islamic ruling or law about the clauses of divorce and other conditions which Moulvi Sahab might cut out on the Nikahnama? I mean if they are meant to cut out, why are they present there?” My aunt shushed me up saying: “Darling, you do not think this way at the moment, marriages are meant to be sustained.”
“I wanted to say I know, being protective of myself doesn’t make me selfish. I wanted to say it’s my right to know and asking these questions doesn’t mean I am looking for trouble.”
“I wanted to ask her if not now, when should I be asking these questions? When God forbid I get stuck in a bad marital situation? I couldn’t say it out loud.”
Another societal impression is if you say things out loud they tend to be true.
Newsflash: They don’t!
There is so much on that piece of paper the brides need to read and know about.
Sadly, a fancy Nikah pen is given more thought than the marriage document.
“I am blessed with the best and I couldn’t ask for anything more. But it is heart-wrenching when I see young girls being exploited in horrible marital situations and they can’t do much.”
“Know your rights. Speak up if you have to. Nikahnama is a very important document.”
Wedding preparations should include a session where girls get to know all relative information about Nikahnama and the strings attached to it.
Life doesn’t ask your permission before hitting your face first with lemons. Sometimes they smash in your face so hard you can’t even make lemonade out of them!
In my opinion, we need to set our priorities. Is successful matrimony worth the non-consensual ceremony and its drawbacks? Do we need to think of “divorces” as taboo/anathema?
The writer is a freelancer