The killing of a student by a mob in Mardan and arrest of a woman who had visited Syria to attend militant training are two recent incidents that illustrate not only the failure of our state institutions to prevent violent extremism (VE) but also the inability of our family institution to diagnose violent tendencies among the youth. Timely reporting of such behaviour can help the authorities concerned ineffectively dealing with it. We can kill terrorists by employing force but how can we defeat their ideology? Analysis of push and pull factors of extremism has shown that it is primarily a consequence of blind ideological faith. In Pakistan, we have not yet fully appreciated the potential role of the family institution in preventing and countering violent extremism. A public debate is inevitable to shed light on ways in which the poisonous agenda of extremists has penetrated the family institution. In the post 9/11 scenario, many instances have been reported where families, including parents, were unaware of their children indulging in extremist literature. Family can play a frontline role in nurturing non-violent behaviour in the society. For this, we have to define the terms of reference (TOR) for the engagement of the family institution in the rehabilitation, re-engagement and de-radicalisation processes. It goes without saying that there isn’t any programme meant exclusively for ensuring that families play an effective preventive role. To do this, we need to empower them. Influences gained from outside of the family institution can damage the entire fabric of the society if they are effective in over powering the family bond. Our situation warrants strengthening of the parent-child relations. In most patriarchal societies, men are cast in the role of head of the household and the community. Because of their responsibility for child rearing in such societies, women can be the real pivot for any programme that seeks to use family as the first line of defence against extremism. Finally, families won’t be able to play such a role effectively without capacity building toward this end. In our context, neither investigators in the cases of terrorism nor researchers have yet tried digging out reasons regarding the failure of the family institution to deter members from extremist tendencies. We need to commission studies exploring reasons behind families’ lack of awareness of their children’s involvement in extremist activities, and disseminate their findings through the media. Merely deconstructing the extremist narrative will not work without the tailoring of an alternate narrative. Counter-extremism programmes should also focus on highlighting the obligations of an individual towards family members. Rather than being a push factor, family members like parents should pull the youth away from violence, and act as a buffer between the vulnerable youth and extremists. However, parents should first be educated about the various tactics used by terrorist organisations to lure the youth. Unfortunately, a majority of affected families are not well-equipped with this knowledge. If it is brought to their attention, are the police trained to deal with such individuals? Thus, educating the parents may equip them with skills to spot and report warning signs. However, a multipronged approach is needed entailing capacity building of teachers and parents, use of de-radicalisation experts and promotion of a debate on countering extremism. Vulnerable communities can be pushed into isolation because of the trust deficit between them and the law enforcement agencies. Such a situation is always exploited by extremist organisations so it should be avoided at all costs. The present scenario warrants the designing of a comprehensive preventive educational programme exclusively meant for parents. An awareness raising campaign may be designed in different languages spoken in the country for prevention of violent extremism. Parents should be trained to ensure that their children are accessing the internet in a safe manner. The Pakistan Telecommunication Authority and the Federal Investigation Agency’s cybercrime wing may play their due roles in this regard. The existence of a dedicated telephone helpline will be useful in enabling people to report the presence of violent tendencies among family members in a timely manner. Religious authorities may also be approached so that their influence in society could be leveraged for education of the at-risk youth and their parents. At just 0.94 percent, women’s presence in law enforcement agencies (LEAs) will make it extremely difficult to launch any extensive preventive programme exclusively targeting vulnerable female groups. Thus, among these measures, a higher number of women in LEAs and better training of those already serving in these agencies may also assist in preventing violent extremism. The writer tweets @alibabakhel