Coverage of national politics in Urdu print media is a testimony to the fact that the discourse in our vernacular media suffers from an uninformed worldview and at times displays a shocking level of ignorance. A large number of widely read columnists, instead of informing the public, spread such ignorance with pride. Take the case of Taiba Zia who says in her Nawa-i-Waqt column published on April 11 that terrorism is Satan’s revenge from humanity. Thus, it was the Satan who masterminded 9/11 attacks! Khurram Nawaz Gundapur, secretary general of the Pakistan Awami Tehrik, seems to be on cloud nine after Kulbushan Jadhav’s sentence. In his statement published in Nawa-i-Waqt on April 11 he sought the announcement of the death penalty on the state-run PTV by Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif. Veteran politician Javed Hashmi wants Kalbhushan Jadhav to be hanged one thousand times. Tahir Ashrafi, chairman of the Pakistan Ulema Council, urges the government to hang Jadhav from Minar-e-Pakistan. Rashid Turabi, amir of Jamaat-e-Islami Azad Jammu and Kashmir chapter, has threatened to seek revenge from Indian army for each drop of Kashmiri blood spilled by it. One hopes he is maintaining a database with information about each drop of blood. By the way, he has been repeating this cliché for two decades now. Sunni Tehrik’s chief Sarwat Ejaz Qadri says Pakistan is suffering from the cancer of corruption and is fighting death in the intensive care unit (ICU). For Qadri, the two-nation theory is derived from the Holy Quran. In April 16 edition, Daily Express quotes President Mamnoon Hussain as saying that he can’t sit with any corrupt guy because he stinks. Mudslinging by politicians makes for great humour. Lawmaker Shah Jehan Mungrio said in a meeting of National Assembly’s Standing Committee on IT that Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif’s son-in-law Captain Safdar should be a pesh imam (prayer leader) at a mosque. The comment was made with reference to Safdar’s emotional speech against bloggers. Prime Minister’s Adviser Musadiq Malik has said that he can’t discuss sensitive issues related to national security on political talk shows — equating the latter to theatre. JI chief Sirajul Haq seems to be an expert in hatching conspiracy theories. In a statement published on April 9, he said that a proxy war has been imposed on the Muslim World. To fight it, the Ummah must form an Islamic United Nations. Though, he forgot to mention the name of the actor who has imposed the war. On April 14, Haq said that current rulers were acting like Mughal emperors and treating Islamabad as their personal belonging gifted to them by their parents in jahaiz (dowry). Maulana Samiul Haq also likens Nawaz Sharif to a Mughal prince. On seminaries, the Maulana said on April 14 that they were defending Islam and presented them as an invincible wall (seesa pilai deewar) against secularism. He thinks that this is why the West does not like them. Zafar Iqbal Jalali, principal of Jamia Islamabad, in a recent statement referred to seminaries as the jugular vein of the Muslim Ummah. On April 13, Senate chairman Raza Rabbani stopped working and returned official protocol in protest against ministers’ absence. But he returned the next day. Ausaf newspaper quoted him on April 18 as saying that his protest was no drama, but a sincere measure to restore the sanctity of the Upper House. On the same day, Ausaf quoted Supreme Court’s Justice Sheikh Azmat Saeed as remarking that the government should construct the underground segment of the Orange Line Metro Train beneath Raiwind — instead of beneath endangered historical buildings. In his column in Ausaf on the same day, Samiul Malik said that Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi was responsible for destroying peace in the region — as if the region was resting in eternal peace before Modi took oath as prime minister. On April 17, Jang newspaper carried Asif Ali Zardari’s statement that first he will exhaust Nawaz Sharif and then knock him down. It seems that Zardari is following in the footsteps of the great boxer Mohammad Ali. Anchor person Hamid Mir reveals in his Jang column on April 17 that one of his readers accused him of committing blasphemy and filed a suit against him when he wrote a column against honour killing. He adds that historian Dr Mubarak Ali had spread lies under the cover of liberalism. The latter had claimed that Pakistan Resolution was prepared by Sir Zafarullah Khan at Britain’s behest. Mir says Zafarullah Khan had denied his role in preparation of the resolution and the denial was published on the front page of Dawn on December 25, 1981. The renowned writer Attaul Haq Qasmi says in his Jang column on the same day that Sheikh Rashid is like that bhand who is used by the village’s Chaudhry to sling mud on honourable people. TV channels appear to be the chaudhrys in this metaphor. The writer is a freelance journalist and researcher based in Islamabad. He has been editing Pakistan Media Monitor, a weekly media summary, since 2003. yamankalyan@gmail.com