Discounting the rights of the weak is well-calculated in my homeland. Women are still cultural minors and are denied inheritance under the pretext of wedding expenses and subsequent customs. A majority of those who do receive some or all of their inheritance hand over “Mukhtaar Naamas” (powers of autonomy) to their brothers, or later in life, to their sons (provided they are fortunate enough to still possess that property). This practice aids in upholding the culturally accepted notion of “good women,” who, incidentally, are also those who willingly surrender their dower, refrain from asking for financial support from their husbands, and avoid “embarrassing” their fathers by asserting their rights. The “good Pakistani women” are expected to marry at an “ appropriate age” (even if it means marrying the wrong man), acquiesce to all injustices, and preferably be dead rather than be divorced. It is not uncommon to note that any Pakistani woman exercising her fundamental human rights is seen as under the (incorrect) influences such as foreign education and foreign-funded activism, (immoral) media, books, arts, and a departure from her religion. While there are a few exceptions and a growing number of “rebels” or non-conformist women, the price they pay has yet to be quantified in statistical terms.
In various movies and dramas, a familiar scene during the Nikah ceremony portrays an unhappy bride who refrains from uttering “Qabool hai” (I accept), yet her nod is provided by a close woman relative, resulting in the solemnization of the marriage. The Nikahnama occupies a central position within the Muslim Family Law Ordinance of 1961, which aimed to augment transparency and legal accountability in marital practices. The safeguards for women in the Nikahnama, often remain dormant mainly due to the limited awareness of the existence of these laws and cemented customary norms that convincingly hinder access to the advantages delineated in this very contract. In my research-based TV advocacy series “Jahez K Khilaaf Jang” (Fight Against Dowry) in 2002-03, I highlighted the multifaceted violence associated with dowry. In a segment, Maloomat Minute famous actor Laeila Zuberi read out scripted messages for women and men to fill out their NIKAHNAAMA carefully and justly.
Short diagnostic research revealed that 86 per cent of marriage registrars in Lahore believed that brides were not sufficiently capable of negotiating the terms of the Nikahnama.
In 2005, a World Bank report observed that around 75 per cent of married Pakistani women lacked a Nikahnama, with many being oblivious to its obligatory nature. Nearly three-quarters had scant comprehension of its contents. Only 7 per cent of women possessed both a Nikahnama and comprehensive knowledge of its provisions. Scarcely any woman with a Nikahnama reported its conferral of divorce rights. The Haq Meher (dower), mirrored this trend.
In the year 2023, short diagnostic research of Nikahnamas in Punjab revealed that 86 per cent of marriage registrars in Lahore believed that brides were not sufficiently capable of negotiating the terms of the Nikahnama. I recognize that these registrars, all of whom are male incidentally, serve as a microcosm of our society. Therefore, there is no need to assign blame or shame on them, but rather to pose the question: What progress has been achieved thus far?
This quandary brings to my mind many women luminaries of music, cinema, art, literature, and poetry who are inspirations to many generations. But these confident, and creative, women too suffered in different ways in their professional lives due to culturally sanctioned injustices in their spheres. I am sharing some recollections in the Pakistani context.
Mulkaie Moseequi (the Queen of Music), Roshan Ara Begum when started living in Lala Musa after marrying a notable was not allowed to practice music in the name of social honour. This was narrated by eminent singer the late Iqbal Bano Begum when she appeared on my TV series Gender Watch in 1999. “VOH Pani K GARHAY MEIN MUN DAL KAR RIAZ KATEE THEEN”, she shared in a choked voice. Parveen Shakir decided to be a single, divorced mother in times when this concept, though convenient to express in the English language, was almost alien to a wider majority in Pakistan. I wonder how the revered writer Zaheda Hina manages situations when she witnesses the younger generation’s huge following of an extraordinary poet Juan Elia (the husband she loved intensely and sensibly chose to divorce). I have learned from life that “adab” (literature) and “adeeb” (the writer) are not necessarily the same, and one should not place all writers on a high moral pedestal. Contrasts can be dismaying. Late Fehmida Riaz, a genius of our Urdu poetry and prose, known for her strong feminist and antiestablishment leaning also had a personal life that silently fell under willful subordination. The poet daughter of the renowned poet Syed Abid Ali late Shabnum Shakeel married a caring bureaucrat. Yet, she opted not to write for a considerably long period after getting married. Her incisive poem “Virsa,” dedicated to her daughter at the time of her marriage, said the unsaid. The legendary Kishwar Naheed featured her unsigned Nikahnama in her autobiography (published in 1994) “Bura Aurat ki Katha” (The Story of a Bad Woman). The satirical title reflects our collective misogyny, where even a fearless woman must accept the label of a “bad woman.” She once told me, with her signature tone and smile, that nobody noticed she had not signed it. In all these examples the marriage was not forced. If women have to agree to give up their freedom or capacity to thrive with an intact cerebrum in a “love marriage” or “ marriage by choice” imagine the degree of ordeals when marriages take place under duress.
The social media of the new age continues to showcase bruises, battering, and bullying of numerous women actors, anchors, and singers. Today, despite acquiring a multitude of insights into power dynamics, I continue to ponder within my heart: How competent must a bride be to negotiate her marriage contract on her terms?
The writer is a serial social entrepreneur ,activist ,gender expert and former TV anchor & producer. She can be reached at [email protected]