MS Dhoni (Indian Cricketer) had gone out first ball in the final of IPL-2023, just concluded, yet commanded Respect, not only from his team but also from cricket fans as well as cricket analysts alike. His team, that he was captaining, picked up the Champions Trophy for a record equaling 5th time, all under his leadership. Emotions running down that day made me write down on an important aspect of our lives -The Respect! Contents which would follow are not focussed on achievements of above named great cricketer, but to highlight importance of Commanding Respect in our lives.
There is a famous dictum, “Respect is commanded not demanded!” To command respect is “to have others observe and admire your actions of their own volition.” And if you command something such as Respect or obedience, you obtain it because you are popular, famous, or important.
My notion could have come from a coterie of different places /sources, but in fact came out of a cricket match. Though I didn’t watch the complete match but few clips, especially the closing ones, yet I picked up the theme. It’s interesting to visualise how young athletes are perceived in a society, particularly when your children are around the same age. It is interesting to put across a question, how is it that one “commands it”, rather than demanding it?
Here is a quote from Dr Christian Conte, “to demand respect is to tell others ‘*You will respect me’ * or otherwise threaten or punish those who do not act according to your wishes. To command respect is to have others observe and admire your actions of their own free will.
In the words of Steve Legler, “families who have successfully built an enterprise often begin with one dominant leader who was instrumental in the growth of the family wealth, and who thereby commands the Respect of the other members of the family”. Where things typically get trickier is after that first generation, where the respect that is required for continued success now must be earned by someone new, and where there is not much of a “top-down” view of things.
There are five very vital components to Command Respect:-
- a) Trust
- b) Reliability
- c) Sincerity
- d) Competence
- e) Deliverability
Though these are not the only components to Command the Respect, but if any of these is missing, Respect is a lot harder to Command. Out of above components, *Sincerity is the top most attribute, *!in my view. One’s efforts / struggle may not bear the required fruit, yet time would prove him/her worthy of Respect, even after his/her demise.
Academically, at a school, there are *three levels of Respect:- *
- a) Self Respect
- b) Respect for others
- c) Respect within the school
It’s extremely important to be kind to yourself as a teacher before you expect to share that same level of Respect within your classroom. Defined by Ms Pham Julia (in her famous book titled 7 Forms of Respect: *A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work), * these are:-
- a) Procedure
- b) Punctuality
- c) Information
- d) Condor
- e) Consideration
- f) Acknowledgment
- g) Attention
As per her conclusions, it’s not that all above be of same value or importance. One needs to prioritise as per the given tasks and the environment (situation). For example, on an accounting team, Procedure might be the most important Form of Respect. On an engineering team, it might be Condor. The idea is to communicate and understand what matters the most to different people and teams.
“I firmly believe that * Respect is a lot more important and lot more greater than popularity “,* says Julius Erving. As a human, we desire admiration, applause and reverence of the people in our lives. But knowing how to Command Respect doesn’t always come naturally, and it is not something we are taught in school. It is,however, something we can practice and improve on. When you are respected, your life turns better in every way – from relationship to your careers. Being Respected is better than being liked. For, Respect means you are considered worthy of high regard!!
Another important question here is ; who commands more respect in the world, the *Wealthy or people is Power? * The answer would establish the connection of Respect with Power. It would also reveal the reasons of continuing poor state for the commoners in all societies, expect where people are aware of their rights. Also where the state institutions stand with Rule of Law. As per Caitlin Johnstone, “ Wealth is meaningless if everyone is Wealthy. Power is meaningless if everyone has Power. The Kings of our day have a vested interest in keeping everyone Poor and Powerless, because *if everyone is king, then no one is king”. *
Commanding Respect is neither easy nor an inherited commodity. To desire that, one needs to prove worthy of it. Selflessness and struggle for others is key to it. Martin Luther King Junior was a celebrated civil rights activist, assassinated for the struggle. Nelson Mandela was a freedom fighter, blessed with passion, humility, empathy, patience and courage being his weapons. Abraham Lincoln will always be remembered for Abolishing Slavery and boosting economy other than seeing his nation in and out of US civil war. Quaid i Azam has commanded respect for his Integrity, just struggle and his adherence to the rule of law and winning freedom for down trodden. Mother Teresa was a great humanitarian, winning cherished Nobel Peace Price. Abdul Sattar Edhi was a great philanthropist, served his whole life for poor and needy. The list goes on. It is impossible to disregard the contributions of great leaders, even if the passage of time has deemed some of their methods controversial.
Life is a one-time opportunity and being at a position to deliver is a good luck. People come and go, but theirs deeds are recorded. Good or Bad, both are left behind. Regardless the position one holds, one should ask a question to himself/herself how would he/she like to be remembered in the pages of history!!! With slogans, narratives or advertisements (in the age of IT) one can be a popular figure but not necessarily able to Command the Respect.