Along the roads in Lahore that are being rebuilt again and again, massive iron structures are going up every few kilometres that are supposedly meant to allow pedestrians to walk across. But I must confess that I have never ever seen even a single pedestrian using these structures. Since more are being built even though nobody ever uses them, the question is why they continue to be built with such regularity. The only credible answer is that they must be a source of considerable profit for some iron and steel mill.
The situation with these iron behemoths and the accompanying miles of ugly and unnecessary iron fences has become quite comical. When asked why these bridges and fences continue to be put up, the response is often just a knowing smile and sometimes, words mumbled under the breath about the steel magnates of the Punjab. All these extremely expensive steel structures are a joke. Load shedding might have harmed a lot of industry in Punjab but definitely, whichever steel mill makes these bridges and fences is showing no evidence of suffering from a lack of electricity. Perhaps the chief minister (CM) might like to inform us, the people of Punjab, as to who owns the steel mills where these particular bridges and iron fences are being manufactured.
Now that these bridges are already there, it is perhaps possible to put them to some good use. First, the CM should order his political minions to muster the party faithful and subservient civil servants by the dozen and have them walk across all these bridges throughout the day. This will have multiple useful effects. First, it will seem to the public that pedestrians are actually using these bridges. Second, the party faithful and aforementioned civil servants will get into ‘shape’ for the gruelling ‘long marches’ that the CM and his party keep threatening. This is indeed particularly necessary for the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) female party faithful, who based upon their TV pictures, seem to suffer from a universal excess of Body Mass Index (BMI).
Also, it will be a great public relations coup if the CM is shown on TV every day running up one of these bridges to show to the people of the Punjab that in spite of being ‘superannuated’, he still has the ‘mojo’ to run the province for another two decades. The older Sharif with his history of heart problems should not attempt such heroics but a brisk walk up one of these bridges once a day might actually be good for him.
Once the two undisputed leaders of the Punjab and masters of Lahore make this a daily habit, soon ordinary people might also start doing this. Not to be left behind, Imran Khan (IK) will most likely take this as a challenge and run up the stairs faster than the CM to prove that he is in a better shape and therefore, more deserving to run the country in perpetuity. And where IK goes, the youth will follow, to a great benefit to their health.
During the ‘run up’ (pun intended) to the elections, the CM should order his party minions to set up stalls on the top of these bridges. They would provide tea and kulchas (oily flat bread) in the mornings, goond-katira (can’t translate that one) and iced shakanjbeen (lemon drink) during the day, tea and rusks in the evening and kulfi-falooda (ice cream and vermicelli, sort of) at night. All this will increase traffic flow over these bridges and at the same time, make the PML-N ever more popular.
Not to be left behind, IK and his Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) will try to offer better stuff. Imagine the joy of ordinary Lahoris, with the PTI and the PML-N vying for a better quality of nourishment in kiosks next to each other on top of these bridges! If the elections happen in winter, then the menus will have to be changed to suit the weather. As far as the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) types are concerned, knowing them, I am sure, they will be the first ones in line to partake of what the PML-N and the PTI have to offer and will then go off to vote for the PPP.
The next thing the CM must order is that all schools and colleges have weekly races across these bridges with the top three winners getting laptops, but obviously, the number of laptops awarded to one person will have to be limited. Fortunately, many of these bridges are right across from the Punjab University and other colleges along the canal as well as on Jail Road, making the participation of students from adjacent schools and colleges quite convenient. Since Government College University (GCU) and King Edward Medical University (KEMU) do not have a direct access to such bridges, perhaps a bridge built over the Lower Mall connecting the GCU to its student hostels and one from Mayo Hospital to Nila Gumbad might (for the heck of it) be a good idea. And yes, one from Aitchison College across the canal is also absolutely necessary.
Considering the large number of Punjab police members with an excess of BMI; having all such police officers running up and down these bridges for an hour every day will improve their physical condition and make them more fit to pursue the ‘miscreants’ escaping much too often from them. As far as the ‘uncles’ and especially the ‘aunties’ of the PTI are concerned, they can have daily runs across these bridges and contribute the exorbitant sums they otherwise pay to expensive gyms to their party. This will also prepare the PTI aunties and their admirers for the threatened ‘tsunami marches’.
In short, some original and innovative thinking can transform these presently deserted pedestrian bridges into physical fitness centres and politically inspired food courts, and add a festive air with buntings and colourful flags for the upcoming elections.
The writer has practised and taught medicine in the US and in Pakistan. He can be reached at [email protected]