I looked out of the window. It was still raining. A silent rain. No gusts of wind. No streaks of lightening. No thunderbolts. It was just simply pouring down. I trailed my eyes from the window to my wife Mahikan, who sat on the carpet near the cradle, feeding the baby. Both in and out prevailed an eerie silence. And I had grown queasy of this situation. If it had not rained, I would have gone to the market and opened my shop.
Usually I cherish such silent summer rain but today my heart desired to see the sort of rain with a violent wind and bullet like droplets. A flash of lightening would tear the heavens apart. And thunderbolt would burst our eardrums. The baby would jolt out of sleep and start crying ceaselessly, with Mahikan singing aloud praise-songs to console him. There would be hue and cry everywhere.
Usually I cherish such silent summer rain but today my heart desired to see the sort of rain with a violent wind and bullet like droplets. The baby would jolt out of sleep and start crying ceaselessly. There would be hue and cry everywhere
“Daddy called today in the morning and paid his regards to you as well. He said he would be here by next Friday,” Mahikan broke the silence. I looked at her but did not say anything. I recalled the words of my cheerful father-in-law. Two or three months after our marriage when Mahikan became pregnant, he told me in a lighter mood: “Buddy you are proficient at carving out a child but remember that as soon as he is born, he will take your wife from you and make her his mother and you will be a mere spectator. And if the first child happens to be a boy, he will set his father’s worth at nought”.
And today our son is about a few months old and I feel that my father-in-law’s joke has proved to be somewhat right. Ever since our son has been born, Mahikan has almost lost interest in me. She talks to him all the time, giggles with him and sleeps with him. She only takes her meals with me.
“I asked daddy to bring a cart for the baby,” Mahikan said while affectionately looking at the baby breastfeeding him.
Back in the day, such amorous weathers were full of love and romance. But now those romantic banters are replaced by the baby’s cart. I gazed at the baby. He was sucking at his mother’s breast so confidently as if he was teasing me how he had set my worth at zero.
“Why are you peering at the baby”? Mahikan asked me gracefully.
“You are asking me in such a way as if he is your son only, and I am a thief and have come to steal your child away.”
“You are a thief indeed. You gazed at me, you stole my heart away”.
I jumped off the bed and sat near her. “Today, your words are laced with love and romance. Do you need another baby?” I looked deep into her eyes and smiled.
“Be off”! She blushed. I laughed and turned to the baby.
“O naughty boy, she is my wife first and then your mother. Do you understand? Ever since you have come she does not ask me for anything. Come on shut your eyes. I am going to kiss my wife”.
I embraced her along with the baby. The unexpected assault on his mother caught the baby by surprise, and he broke into tears. Mahikan quickly released herself from the fold of my arms and tried to comfort the baby. The sizzling desire to kiss her burnt my own lips. Again, I recalled my father-in-law’s words.
On that night when it was still raining, Mahikan and I were in bed for the first time since the birth of the baby. But in the very moment, the baby yelled a sudden shriek. Mahikan forgot me and hurried to swing the cradle but he did not give up crying. She breast-fed him. He fell silent and drifted off to sleep. However, when we were in bed again he started crying. This time, he was neither consoled by swinging the cradle nor by breast-feeding. I mumbled a few words.
“Mother-f****er! This is the only time he finds to cry, silent otherwise. Wish he was not conceived on that damn night!”
“O, God! Don’t be so harsh on the baby,” Mahikan turned annoyed.
“Hun! While grumbling I went off and slept into the next room. The baby was crying after every five minutes. At times, I would hear Mahikan’s praise-songs and sometimes her grumblings. With the baby in her arms, she came to me: “I don’t know what has happened to the baby. What should I do”? She was quite upset and I consoled her: “You need not to do anything. At this age babies do nothing but cry”.
“But he has never cried like this before. He might have fallen ill. Will you not fetch a doctor”? She implored, and I after checking the time replied: “It is half past two in the night. All doctors in the village must have gone to sleep. It is raining as well.”
She returned with a heavy heart. But the cries of the baby refused to go away. Mahikan came to me again, and this time she was sobbing:
“Will you not fetch a doctor?” she burst out crying.
I heaved up, took my bike out and went off soaking in the rain. There were two doctors in our village hospital.
One of them was my friend and had been my class mate at school. After matriculation I said good bye to study and took charge of one of my father’s two shops. He continued his study and went on to become a doctor. I woke him up and took him along my home. He examined the baby and prescribed some medicines. He respected our friendship and refused to take his consulting fee. He also advised us to bring the baby to the hospital in the morning for further investigation. After having dropped the doctor at his residence when I returned home, both Mahikan and the baby had drifted off to sleep. I went as well and slept in the next room.
Early in the morning, Mahikan shuddered me out of sleep. My head was heavy, so I blasted at her: “What happened now?”
She replied crying: “The baby is dead”.
“The baby is dead?” My sleep vanished away. I staggered towards the cradle. With trembling hands, I lifted up the cradle veil and looked at the breathless baby as if his pale face was saying: “Daddy I don’t cry anymore”. Tears trickled down my eyes.
On that night, I had a dream. The baby was alive. Mahikan and I were standing before him. I asked him to come to me. He plucked the little finger of his left foot and hurled it at me and walked over to her mother. I shuddered out of sleep and looked around. Mahikan was not in bed. She sat crying by the cradle. I strolled towards her, consoled her and helped her back to sleep.
A few days later, I went to Karachi on a business trip. I spent a few weeks there. When I returned, it was nearly a month since the baby had departed. Apparently, Mahikan had braved the grief of her first child’s death and like other people she too was absorbed in her daily routines. I felt everything was complete. Nothing was needed, as if there was no baby, like he was never born.
On that night when Mahikan and I were making love in the bed, she trembled unexpectedly, sat up and looked around. I was surprised, but I asked her gently: “What happened Mahikan?”
She replied with tearful eyes: “I heard the baby crying”.
This is the English version of a Balochi short story written by Dr. Naguman
Published in Daily Times, January 10th 2018.