There were times when candidates passing Central Superior Services (CSS) were deemed and cited as the “cream”–pretty exuberant spending for a word by the way. Until the ’90s, the exercising of due diligence and transparency in Civil Services examination were not only exemplary, it was also open for full-length accountabilities and which made it a diaphanous lens allowing intellectual minds to spurt through and to pave their ways into the corridors of a once good-looking bureaucracy. As the cult of nepotism, influence-peddling, prejudiced prepossessions, and favouritism started roping in, the charisma of CSS faded out over time until it vaporised the tout ensemble. Until three to four decades since the independence, a lot of CSS candidates and even higher education seekers were industrious and battle-hardened. Despite not being able to have access to bare minimum funds to make both ends meet, students would spend time studying under street lights without having to worry about their social status and class. Though most of them were financially hard-pressed, their commitment to the cause was emblematically explicit. Someone implied: English is the language of the elite, the desire of the middle class, and an alien concept for the poor in Pakistan, and it can’t get truer than this. It is indeed a shame that masters and bachelors programmes run by the Higher Education Commission of Pakistan have become so low class and subpar that the degree holders can’t even churn out a basic-to-intermediate level application or an email requesting two days leave let alone producing an analytic or interpretive literary composition. The fresh picture of the competitive exams famously touted as “most prestigious” (though I hold serious reservations here) is depressingly darker and gloomy. Keeping in mind the middle class makes up for the biggest percentage of candidates appearing, the last five years’ data reveals shockingly absurd findings, essentially offers jolts outstripping magnitude eight earthquakes. In 2017, over 94 per cent of the candidates failed the English paper, yes, you’ve heard it absolutely right. In 2018, a mere chunk of four percent of candidates barely managed to pass the exam while the rest failed miserably, most of them defused in English, once again. In 2019, three per cent managed to get through the written exam and 2020 was introduced to even new lows: two per cent! Fast forward to 2021, according to Federal Public Service Commission, 39,650 candidates applied for the exam. 17,240 appeared and only 364 passed the written portion. The passing percentage, with respect to those who appeared, was 2.11 per cent. Looks real? It is, 100 percent! The mechanism operating behind the whole idea of CSS to yield a sturdy bureaucracy is both farce and appalling. We understand that language skills can’t be gassed as a tool to gauge candidates’ talent even so the incompetency certainly speaks volumes about either lack of skill or dearth of hard work–in case, we assume that the act of mastering the language requires aptitude and efforts. It still has firm links with the potential of a person wanting an administrative role. Unfortunately, we have to say that the dilemma of CSS candidates accentuates their extreme inability to comply with the fact that the English language, the communication-mean for lion’s share of worldwide trade with few exceptions, has become more of a lethal tool than mere a language. We have voices being raised advocating the setting up of a non-English-language society while demanding Urdu to be made the primary official and testing language. On an honest note, they are only making an exhibition of themselves and the reasons are not even worth mentioning here and hence I would refrain them for discussion here. For an idea, the fiascos in containing English as a language being a nation proliferate even bigger if we gauge our youth’s ability to read and write in Urdu. This last line sets the pattern for this discourse and we would now assume the English language as a tool than merely a means of communication. So we started off discussing CSS and its recent outcomes, let’s get back to that. The mechanism operating behind the whole idea of CSS to yield a sturdy bureaucracy is both farce and appalling. The contemporary exam patterns test students on their ability to cram as much stuff as possible while leaving minimal room for intellectually sound minds. CSS academies are jam-packing the students and providing them with a plethora of content that they never revert to. These learning hubs are certainly to be blamed partially for setting up a culture never known before. The kind of money they are generating in the name of CSS is a sheer disgrace to the profession. People from far-flung areas are being lured into temptations of studying under the supervision of “Ex-Civil Servants” and made to pay tens of thousands for the services of the latter, for single batch tuition. It is, however, the hysteria that is playing the first fiddle here: scarce job opportunities, saturated markets for several trades, and rare skill-sets. In these testing times, CSS virtually offers what is being most sought-for, all-in-one: power, perks, ‘pesa’: the trio that perfectly jells in here ladies and gentlemen. Our predecessors used to scroll hundred of books, participate in brainstorming sessions and seek information from wherever was available. Most of these guys hailed from humble backgrounds and hence knew the value of time, skill development, and the demesne of the competitive world. Having passed competitive exams, their treatment and attitude towards the general public were kind and tolerant. Bureaucracy those days earned valuable acclamation and esteem through sheer professionalism and down-the-line working commitments. We can’t let the contemporary generation to get away with the lame excuses conveniently implying the syllabus was hard to match by or papers were tricky, English, in particular. They must be taken to the task as to why haven’t they made use of “ever-increasing” accessibility to the internet and other hands-on resources to learn one of the most widely growing languages of the globe? In other words, the term “internet” means access to thousands of learning resources including tutorial videos, manuals, books, movies, programs, talk shows you name it. In the time when we see youth falling head over heels in love with commenting, posting, chit-chatting, snapping, and nattering over social media, why is that the general adaptability of the youth with the refinements and dialect of the language is devolving exponentially? This is food for a thought, it indeed is! The writer is based in Islamabad. He can be reached at mbilal.isbpk@gmail.com, FB/mbilal.16