Violence, discrimination and any crime against women is absolutely wrong. It must not be tolerated anywhere on any account. In Pakistan, violence and discrimination against women is common. Here women are frequent targets of sexual harassment as well. However, Pakistani women also enjoy a special status.
A man could be very brave and strong but inside homes most Pakistani men listen to their wives, mothers, daughters and sisters, not out of fear but due to the respect they feel for their women. I have lived and visited dozens of countries and have the privilege to have known women from many nationalities and cultures. My loved ones belong to a foreign culture. Based on my first-hand experience, I can say that to an extent women receive special treatment and care in the Pakistani society.
In Pakistan, a woman’s prestige, respect and authority increase as she grows older. Our mothers, grandmothers and mothers-in-law are decision-makers. They are undisputed rulers of our homes with authoritarian powers.
In Pakistan young women are suppressed but in the West most girls don’t go through such experience. Young Western women are independent; many are heart-breakers because they have the freedom to make choices. Nonetheless, it is also true that when some women in the West cross the age of 30, a clock starts ticking in their heads. Not all but some start looking for Mr. Right before they reach the age of 35. At super or grocery stores in the UK, U.S or Western Europe women in their 50s can be seen buying hard drinks because life can be challenging for middle-aged single women living in industrialized and postmodern societies.
In Kazakhstan the number of women is four time higher than men. A large number of women there are single. For five years, I managed a team of 30 staff members out of which 29 were female and only one was a male. I had the opportunity to closely observe lives and behavior of women in the West and as well as in Post Soviet Union societies through work and close family relations. The Soviet Union had empowered women. In the USSR women were not used as sex symbols but were treated equally. Most Soviet women were bread earners for their families but after the split of the Soviet Union, women were hit but ruthless Capitalist system that had flooded many former Soviet States. This affected life of millions, particularly women.
Coming back to the Pakistani society, in my view, our treatment of women is not healthy. As society, we are obsessed with women and their sexuality. And this focus on women has resulted into shocking and abnormal behavior. We own women; our honor is associated with looks, bodies and behavior of women. To control our women, some of us use violence and suppression. At the same time, we show extra-ordinary respect for women. These both are extreme and unusual behaviors.
Pakistani women, too, are used to strange and contradictory tendencies in their society. I am amused to observe that many so-called liberal women of Pakistan use peculiarities of the Pakistani society to their advantage. When it suits them, they become liberal and champions of feminism (I am sure many don’t know what feminism is) but the same liberal women also want to be treated not equally but differently because Pakistan treats women ‘differently’.
I honestly believe that we have the potential to become a model society for my so-called advanced societies and cultures due to our unique values and our ability to give love and respect. Our family care system could be the best in the world if we are able to blend and present it to the world. But it will be possible when we will overcome our fear of freedom, our obsessions, insecurities and misplaced doubts. We need to understand that honor is not in human body or things. True honor and respect is when we are able to respect others’ views, choices and rights. Discovering oneself is more important than discovering the Universe.
Shiraz Paracha is an analyst and a journalism professor.
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