Take-it-or-leave-itDear Mathira and Rose
I am a 39-year-old woman with two children. One is 12 and the other’s eight. I was a very ambitious and driven student and was always getting medals and laurels for my scholarly achievements before marriage. I aspired to become a politician or a bureaucrat until my parents forced me to get married. My husband turned out to be a wonderful man who gave me everything I ever wanted. Money, servants, foreign trips, cars and what not. Only he was against me working. So I gave up on all my dreams. Now, after 13 years of my marriage, I feel I wasted my intellect and my capabilities. I really want to start working but my husband is not okay with that. It’s making me bitter and resentful. I look at my unmarried sisters and Masha Allah, they’re doing so well in their careers. I have everything at my disposal but I’m just not allowed to work. What shall I do?
Regards,
Aspiring Politician
Mathira’s Advice:
My darling sister, all I’d like to say is that life’s really weird. To some, it gives career success but their love life’s damaged. Whereas some have a blooming love life, but their career’s damaged. For other people, everything is great but they aren’t blessed with children. There are also some women who have kids, a supportive husband, a great career but their finances are messing them up. Do remember, that life doesn’t always give you everything. No. There’s always a testing phase. But if your husband’s actually nice and is giving you everything extra, then you shouldn’t compare yourself to your sisters. If I start doing that today, there’ll be many ups and downs, that’ll put me in jealousy, hatred and negativity just because I’m comparing my life to someone’s. You can’t do that. This is what’s wrong with us humans. We don’t focus on our lives and start comparing. You should be grateful that you don’t have any serious issues in your life. Darling you can’t have everything at your disposal. What you want can’t always happen. You need to compromise somewhere. Masha Allah, if you have a husband who’s really there, why don’t you instil your aspirations in your daughter? Whatever I couldn’t pursue in my life, I’ll suggest my sons to do that. So this counts. Please don’t spoil your marriage and learn that sometimes, it’s best to let some things go in a very polite way.
If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira
Rose’s Advice:
Sometimes, you really can’t get everything that you want. Masha Allah, you have everything. You have servants, you have a house, you have money and are travelling. You have beautiful kids. You have a wonderful husband but here, you don’t have a career. Maybe those who do have careers, somewhere deep down in their hearts, they want what you have right now. They would think you don’t have a care in the world and are sitting at home and have everything at her disposal. Whereas we have to go out and work and earn. Sometimes working women also want to sit at home and let their partner do all the work, whereas housewives want to go out and work. So sometimes, you can’t get the best of both worlds. Masha Allah, you have everything at your disposal. I would like to repeat that you have a house, kids, a husband and everything that a woman wants. So I don’t know what to say. If your husband is not allowing you to work, you’ve just got to realise the fact that he doesn’t like his wife to work. There are some men who don’t like it that their wives go out and work simply because they want to be the provider of the family, because they think it’s a man’s job. They take it as an insult as it hurts their male ego. Some husbands are understanding in that regard, whereas some aren’t.
If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777