Since an image of a blissful marriage is one of the primary indicators of respectability in our culture so tendering a matrimonial advice may be a minefiled. When a friend hints at the disturbing attitude of her husband you may not be able to know that whether it was an inconsequential argument or you need to probe and prod her for identifying a victim of domestic violence. However, what has happened in the Asma Aziz case is not as hard to understand. According to the first media reports, her husband did not deny charges but only took the plea of being intoxicated at the time. The role of media had been thoroughly deplorable. The agony of a woman was sensationalized for business purposes, once again. The kind of questions posed to her in the morning shows were crude, insensitive and devoid of a minimalistic understanding of the dimensions of domestic violence.When her personal details were printed, there was a hard to conceal attempt at taking the focus off form her injuries to her “questionable” conduct and character. Does it hurt any less a woman who is subjected to brutal treatment if she is thrice married? And if she married for love? And when she can dance? Let’s look at few of the questions the media has raised in the minds of the unsuspecting public. They need to be addressed as they are the generic questions and characteristic responses in such incidents. Here that hapless woman is only a case study in intimate partner violence (by the way, neither our laws not our society recognizes any form of intimate partner violence except that at the hands of a husband but this phrase is used nonetheless in order to raise awareness on this issue for women in romantic relationships who suffer in silence). Firstly, how come a woman lives for several years with a man before making any such charges so it must be a pack of lies?Commonly, when a woman comes across the early signs of domestic violence, she is not able to assess it before it turns into full blown episodes of savagery. As part of training of girls, they have been indoctrinated with so much of sexist mores and morality that for them initial lesser incidents are the minor accompaniments of being married. Were not we women told at some point in our lives that men have got a divine right to chastise us and if find us “wayward” can inflict corporal punishment too, short of only permanent injury? Were we not taught that marriage is sacred and we must forgive every time to save this sacred relationship? Male honour mixes so easily with violence, rather there is hardly any other substance which is as good a solvent as a male code of honour for any crime against women, ranging from putting her in literal confinement in the four walls of the house to acid attacks Secondly, such charges may be grounded in an isolated incident which have infuriated her enough to make her teach a lesson to her husband? The first reaction is usually of disbelief and questioning the morals of the victim who was “bold” enough (again not a compliment in our society) to approach police (“respectable” women, obviously, are not supposed to visit police stations). When a battered woman comes forward to seek police protection for herself and punishment for the batterer, the first response is almost always of questioning her own character rather than the veracity of charges. Thirdly, that woman must havechallenged his code of honour and he committed this “mistake”, if he did make a mistake at all, in a fit of passion? Male honour mixes so easily with violence, rather there is hardly any other substance which is as good a solvent as a male code of honour for any crime against women, ranging from putting her in literal confinement in the four walls of the house to acid attacks. In all such cases the woman who dared to speak out knows very well that she is offering herself up to be put under a microscope, for finding out all kinds of assumed deviant behaviors in her, justifying horrors in her relationship. Women have internalized this misogyny so well that they themselves are often the first to indulge in this mudslinging. Fourthly, if it was a love marriage then how come she can be a battered wife? The simple answer is that it is only when you come to live with a person, his ugly side crops up. You can be perfectly happy in an arranged marriage and terribly miserable in a love marriage.Let’s not forget that battered wives keep up the appearances of normal lives until they can take it no longer. The couple may appear together on social events and being photographed with all starry smiles despite having a seriously problematic relationship. The bottom line is that appearing to be merry is not the same as to be happy. Victims of domestic violence have to wrestle with stereotypes of battered women. Unhappy wives are not supposed to be wearing make up, having face book accounts, wearing nice clothes and above all dancing on an excursion trip. Similarly, batterers can be charming men. The media stereotype of an uncouth, unkempt man or a sly type is again merely a stereotype. He may be a jovial, smart, sociable, socially responsible person who is viciously destructive only to his intimate partner. Compartmentalization of roles is no difficult task for many. Gender sensitivity is not a given in our society and has to be cultivate through concerted efforts. I remember that in my college, when we were about to graduate, we were given a counselling lecture on planned parenthood, disguised under the euphemistic “marriage counselling” as educating unmarried girls on methods of family planning was not a palatable idea for many. Why similarly girls should not be educated on intimate partner violence as a first step to raise awareness? The author is a gender and human rights specialist