If only young Immy had thought of it.
The very instant those luxury cars had been auctioned was the time to make a canny investment. In the shape of a Sat Nav. Of course, to the untrained eye, this might look a lot like shutting the stable door after the buffalo have already been sold to the highest bidder. But not to Kaptaan. How unfortunate, then, that he failed to remember his premiership status. If only the First Lady had pinched him sooner — this 100-day road trip driven by good intentions wouldn’t have been paved with quite so many pesky U-turns.
It would also have done away with the need to mention Mein Fuhrer. Even though Imran Khan, truth be told, secretly marvelled at this brilliant disguise; all the better to bamboozle the opposition. But those bad ol’ folk at the PMLN could be ever so pedestrian at times. Calling his bluff to publish an un-fonted white paper on Their Struggle in keeping up with government policy. When, really, all they needed to do was buy a pair of flip-flops. But then a party known for its infrastructure habit can hardly be expected to walk anywhere. Either in their own or anyone else’s shoes.
When it comes to granting refugees citizenship and warnings of altering the ethno-demographic landscape — Immy must point out how such narratives are akin to openly admitting that Naya Pakistan has still to de-colonise its mind. From Britain. That green and Brexit-eering land that has whipped itself up into a Windrush frenzy
All of which is by-the-by. For, as the man at the top is now learning, the art of extensive backtracking somehow, as if by magic, skewers all estimated times of arrival. Though the sooner the Chinese finish building trains that can travel faster than the speed of light the better. Especially as there is always the chance that a blinking India might not notice CPEC snaking its way through territory that New Delhi insists on claiming as its own. None of which detracts from the fact that U-turns made in haste must come undone. If, that is, the country is to travel on the road to somewhere.
A good place for His Imminence to start — now the he has well and truly arrived — is granting full citizenship to Afghan and other refugees born here. Naturally, being the Prime Minister means having the power to set up as many parliamentary committees as is required to thrash out the issue. But, really, what is the quibble? Keeping in bureaucratic limbo a group that has only ever known one home: Pakistan. Admittedly, there will be repeated warnings about how these ‘foreign aliens’ risk forever altering the ethno-demographic landscape; while rendering indigenous populations minorities in their own land. Yet to all this, Kaptaan must somehow muster the gumption to point out how such narratives are akin to openly admitting that Naya Pakistan has still to de-colonise its mind. Instead of listening so intently to its former master’s voice: Britain. That green and Brexit-eering land that has whipped itself up into a Windrush frenzy. Or, else, looking for inspiration to Fortress Europe; part of the US-led NATO war machine that has a penchant for decimating entire societies. While maintaining a rigid closed-door policy towards those fleeing bombs and bullets. For Kaptaan must realise that simply denouncing a war as “not ours” is insufficient to absolve the state of its duty of care towards all those caught up in someone else’s adventurism.
And if, after all this, there still remains doubt — the PM can surely just helicopter it over to FATA; asking the tribal communities there how it feels to be finally released into the mainstream after 150 years in solitary confinement. A people simultaneously romanticised by western policymakers not to mention members of the bicycle-riding Twitterati and vilified by certain state institutions at home. With both sides casting them in the same role: la noblesse sauvage. Even as the Pashtun youth continue to peacefully demand an end to enforced disappearances, extra-judicial detention and killings. Indeed, this group knows what it is to pay an above-market price for finding themselves — by an accident of geo-strategic birth — in the militant-military crossfire that has been co-opted by international forces. And, yet, enjoying official status as part of the federation isn’t enough to prevent being routinely picked up in a bid to silence collective voices against sanctioned brutality; dating back to British rule. Though the state would do well to keep one thing in mind. Now that its writ extends to the whole of FATA, it can no longer play the double game on safe-havens that PM Khan bemoans having inherited.
Thus Immy must now start looking inwards. Even if this means overcoming his obsession with touching up overseas Pakistanis for money shots. Not least because this constant falling at the feet of financial prowess is most unbecoming. Especially as it sends the message that Naya Pakistan is still a rich man’s world. When the promise had been to invest in the people here. All of them. And topping the list must be the five million Pashtuns of FATA as well as refugees and the stateless. For they, too, are precious assets; even if returns on initial investments may take a couple of generations to fully mature.
So, please. Someone somewhere have a whip around for the PTI supremo. And buy him a Sat Nav for Christmas. Let’s hope the Chief Justice of Pakistan is listening.
The writer is the Deputy Managing Editor, Daily Times. She can be reached at [email protected] and tweets @humeiwei
Published in Daily Times, December 2nd 2018.