The highly rewarding and meaningful job of parenting is a unique and challenging enterprise that each parent has to work out, largely on their own.
However, whilst there is no one prescription or manual for how to be an effective parent it is possible to highlight effective parenting characteristics. Drawing upon my clinical experience and research, seven particularly desirable qualities exist:
1. High aspirations
2. Positive talk about education
3. Intelligence
4. Warmth
5. Communicative ability
6. Enthusiasm
7. Stability/continuity
In this piece, I’ll explore the second of these, ‘positive talk about education’ using a useful framework of questions called the ‘5WH method’. This stands for: Who? Where? When? Why? What? and How?
Where and when positive talk about education should happen is hard to specify, but my rule of thumb is: it is appropriate anywhere and anytime
Who needs to talk in positive terms about education? The answer is everyone because education is what we all recognise as a given good. Why? Because throughout recorded history, it has been the hallmark of civilised society and how that society values, funds and supports education speaks volumes about the society’s values, standards and aspirations. The word ‘education’ comes from the Ancient Greek ‘educare’, which means to draw out. After all, what could be more important than opening the minds of our young and preparing and equipping future generations for their time as independent and autonomous adults?
This is understandable but not helpful and the wisest and most effective parents will be careful not to complain about and criticise schools in front of their children.
Instead, they will clarify and express their views with each other, possibly other involved adults and then, ideally, the school itself. How to have that difficult conversation with the school is a subject about which I will go into more detail in another blog.
Where and when positive talk about education should happen is hard to specify but my rule of thumb would be: anywhere and anytime it is appropriate. How does the parent communicate and share their positive views? The best way to do this is as part of everyday, relaxed and open conversation between themselves and their children. What should these conversations sound like?
They should not be contrived performances, lectures or instructions but should be two-way discussions in which parents give reasoned viewpoints that draw upon their experiences and real life observations, allow for questions and also give the young people an opportunity to express their views.
Social Learning theory, created by well-known theorists such as Bandura and Lorenz has highlighted the importance of adults’ examples or models of behaviour and underlying attitudes in teaching and communication with the young. Parents would do well to hold these ideas in mind when talking with their children about education.
The author is a chartered educational psychologist who has provided applied psychology services to private individuals, schools and the community in a range of fields including education, health, sport and the media.
Published in Daily Times, July 4th 2018.