Men don’t necessarily proceed in a politically correct, enlightened fashion to woo the woman of their dreams. Truth be told, there are no dreams for men (except for ‘thug life’ and drowning sorrows in booze). What men think they want and what will actually make them happy are entirely two different things. This is an obnoxiously blatant reminder of the fact that on their hedonistic journey of philandering they’ve temporarily helicopter landed their way to you, and while they’ve come far and convinced you into believing they may want to put a cork back to that raging bottle, girls (you dumb ones), they’ve still got a long road ahead of them. Here are 5 game changers for you dumb girls, regardless of how unrefined these strategies might be, that can conduce relationship longevity, or better yet, help foster your own emotional well-being. Because well, you know… pretty girls don’t cry, they know exactly what they want. When a guy says “get over yourself”: Danger level = 1, Colour=Green, Overview=Minor Danger, Call for action=Buckle up Here is an example of someone who has already honed his trap of power play dynamics over you. He has befittingly kickstarted the courting phase of the relationship by projecting his false and most inflated self; he has zeroed in on you as his target by valuing you for all the “right” things that you want to be valued for. Needless to say, right now, your natural defenses may be down because he’s flirtatious, exciting, charismatic, fun and all that stache, and even though what he said feels like a jagged piece of shrapnel grazing your heart, you shrug it off as mixed feelings because you’re unable to look at the situation objectively. Until and unless you’ve fancied the idea of bailing out into the night as a wailing Cinderella in rags looking for a miracle to save you, expose him – before he goes back from rude to irresistible as swiftly as he went from irresistible to rude. When a guy says “I love how you get nervous infront of me”: Danger level = 2, Colour=Yellow, Overview=Moderate Danger, Call for action=Rethink Are you freaking kidding me? If you feel a sense of nervousness, fear or sadness even when you’re feeling his scruff brush against your cheek, my question is: Why in the whole wide world would you want to be with this person? A man is either compatible with you or he’s not, and since you’re a dumb girl you’re pretty much confusing being compatible with experiencing an up-and-down emotional rollercoaster with him. You always feel bad, tense or nervous about him leaving or him not wanting you anymore, and then when he shows you any sign of approval and signal that he’s sticking around, it feels extremely relieving and exciting – worth the ride, isn’t it? Well, NO. My advice: Start listening to your insides, and while you’re at it, indulge your senses and let your body be more sensitive to the rhythms. This feeling of relief in contrast to the low of the anxiety and constant tension that you’re going through can be mistaken for happiness and is, in fact, what makes you think you two are compatible for each other. The low makes you need the high, but the high that he gives you isn’t really a “high.” He isn’t making your life better, he is simply making you feel so bad that when you get that reassurance, it seems good by comparison. That being said… every relationship takes “work”. But please don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s the end of the world since this one has the glorious capacity to make you feel nervous even while your 8,000 miles apart, where the thought of his hazel eyes have the prowess to stop you dead in your tracks. When a guy says “you’re such a smart girl”: Danger level = 3, Colour=Orange, Overview=Considerable Danger, Call for action=Strategize Oldest trick in the books. This one doesn’t even need a lot of explaining to do. Men consider analytical ability to be a stereotypically masculine quality, and being competent and competitive are qualities that are particularly important to men, so female intelligence might be threatening for heterosexual men anywhere sizing up a prospective partner. So basically, if you do better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. This guy will stick to you if you prioritize your life in a way that’s compatible with how he prioritizes his; he’d rather have a woman willing to be in the backseat. What should a career-driven and ambitious dumb woman like you do then? Dumb it further down a notch for this guy or go looking for less educated fish in the sea if you don’t wish for your single life to part open on you midway. When a guy says “you’re too emotional”: Danger level = 4, Colour=Red, Overview=High Danger, Call for action=Run Here’s the kicker. This guy dreads getting emotionally intimate. He views intimacy as weak. In his mind, becoming intimate with someone cancels his superiority and demystifies him. Also, since intimacy is universally sought, it is perceived as common, and you should know by now that this guy does not feel any common pursuit is worth his precious time – because if it is common, how can it possibly be worthwhile? This guy might be selfish enough for his own needs but not smart enough to know that when you fall (dumb girl, you), you fall hard because you give everything your 100%, including love. This is why you never said no, never gave up when he vanished weeks at a time, and never deleted his number even though you should have after he suddenly disappeared from the relationship without ending it and came back three or so months later with an explanation to lure you back in. My point is this: Are you emotional? Sure. Should you apologize? No. Did you do anything wrong to be born this way? Not a damn thing. Is he a goonhead? Yes! So he can take his pretty face and shove his tongue in someone else’s mouth because you’re only complicated to a man who wants to quantify your love by the number of times you can warm his bed. When a guy says “I just don’t want anything serious right now”: Danger level = 5, Colour=Dark Red, Overview=Hazardous, Call for action=Never return The phrase ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’ seems to have little place in the dating world. With the added-on “right now” in the catchphrase above, the situation becomes even more confusing. While you dumb girls might decode his suave language as meaning there’s hope for the future, it’s less than 0.000001% likely that there actually is, and what he just said is 100.100000% credible to the fact that he’s subtly saying it won’t work out… “with you”. No matter how sweet a guy acts, if he spits these noxious words of bullshit through his teeth, read them as him wounding up over a “thanks for an awesome night” text he just sent to you. So while you believe that his “forevers” don’t depict your worth, and your love is not of the fairytale kind, and you feel complete with long tides of him waking up by your side to see you staring right into his soul with eyes like the wide rabbit’s, as he’s curious, at how you still want to stay – take your psychedelic magical trips on some hallucinogens instead, full of rabbit holes that’ll help you lose all sense of time in. Some dumb girls learn a new level of love where they are willing to forgive, love unconditionally and even give their relationship another unfathomable try. Other dumb girls go the opposite way and blame the partner, are jaded and push themselves to go “numb”. Why they are willing to accept the next best man in their life at all, shows that they do believe in love but are still hurting from the inside and are waiting for me just to make one small mistake to say, “Yes, all men are the same.” All my wishes for finding your best fit. Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and in no way meant to offend any individual or group of individuals. Conclusions to this were made in a personal capacity from the author’s very own messy past with meeting the wrong men, acting the wrong ways and feeling all the wrong things about herself. Reference to ‘dumb’ girls throughout in the real sense of the word, is meant to be reflective of a majority of girls’ ‘failure in love,’ just like the author’s.