Are all mothers equal? There is not a straightforward answer to this seemingly straightforward question. In a world that incessantly becomes hugely divided and disturbed both in actual and virtual spaces by the issues of emancipation and equality of women and their perceived “scary”, “immoral”, “irreligious”, and “anti-culture” outcomes it remains an undeniable fact that mothers command undisputed respect. Countless women (are often made to) sacrifice their own dreams, ambitions, choices and above all their own self-respect with or without self-realization or public knowledge. Women as mothers are marvelous actors and multitaskers. In a conventional arrangement and even in the private sphere of not so conventional ones they do everything and remain in a perpetual state of readiness to get the title of ” good women and worth worshipping mothers”.
In this imperfect world there are many “imperfect” women, who are more imperfect than other imperfect mothers and they somehow develop the courage to refuse to live a life filled with hypocrisies, lies and disrespect; sanctioned culturally and at times legally in the guise of family honour, values and economic needs. They stand up against verbal and or physical abuse on bringing less dowry, giving birth to daughters, not showing remarkable cooking skills, not handing over their salaries to the husbands and in-laws, not remaining silent on finding themselves suffering from any sexually transmitted disease due to a promiscuous husband or simply not meeting the desired or required standards of visual appeal. These women in spite of knowing their legal and religious rights give up all benefits just to escape in one piece with their kids a violent environment. These mothers are continuously judged, questioned and stigmatized. The smarter among them with better education and or skills set start a new journey and explore new opportunities that make them eventually , financially secured. In a typical lower and lower middle class, they never get the same respect and worth even in their own families ( and I talk from personal experience and several observations). The reason remains their nonconformity with their socio-economic class based norms and overarching patriarchy. Those who get married again and to reasonably powerful men happily hang around with suddenly amnesic relatives, colleagues and friends. The added challenge remains with “comfortably divorced” mothers -the not so well behaved women. They continue to face new heights of low attitudes and systematic snags. Their children also bear the cost of their mother’s noncompliance with subjugation ( it can either make them or break them).
Within sole mothers the plight and predicament of widows, divorcees, abandoned wives and mothers who were raped in war and conflicts should not be compared and contrasted but respectfully understood with context specification
While it is not possible to find an instant and singular solution this complicated issue with a complex spectrum of gender bias, class bias, honour interpretation, attitudinal issues etc.etc. one looks at the state for some remedial actions. Many Pro-women legislation, increased political participation and economic freedom have been instituted in Pakistan. However, in a country where women earn less than 34% of men and work 11 hours more than men in unpaid care and domestic care (according to research reports by the ILO and UNWomen), the issues of single mothers in general and divorced mothers in particular have yet to draw the required attention in policy, advocacy and activism. These women face many tricky aspects of violence and abuse and are essentially unrepresented. One such facet of gender discrimination and inequity is the taxation system of Pakistan. I even wrote a book on this issue that was published by Friedrich Nauman Foundation/Economic Freedom Network and contained interviews of many politicians, legislators and policy makers, but nothing has been done so far practically .
Gender-based taxation and marital status based has yet to gain consensus here from economists and policy makers. In my pioneering research in 2009-10, on the idea of a tax break for single women other than widows (as they are already exempted from property tax) in Pakistan, I found that the proposed tax break for certain groups of Pakistani women (divorced mothers, divorced, disabled and ‘never married’ women above the age of 40 years) can emerge not only as one of the means of freedom from the stigma and servitude for these women, but also allow sustenance to many women who are overworked and underpaid by diluting, if not dissolving, different layers of discrimination. One of the most frequent questions I faced while disseminating the idea was that why men belonging to this category should not be offered similar concessions. My answer has remained that ours is an unequal world where certain groups are always ‘more equal’ than the others. An expected criticism could be that the Excise and Taxation Department may face a conflict of interest. Their function is to increase revenue. Yes, but usually taxation systems knowingly and unknowingly both are taxing the poor while the mighty evade taxes. Further, the estimated number of such women will not be high enough to diminish the revenue generated by these departments. An affirmative action like this may motivate employers to hire such women.
The motherhood penalty and motherhood wage gap are stark realities. Motherhood like womanhood is not homogenous. The status and standing of partnered mothers and sole mothers are definitely different. Within sole mothers the plight and predicament of widows, divorcees, abandoned wives and mothers who were raped in war and conflicts should not be compared and contrasted but respectfully understood with context specification. What is yet to be determined is the cost of the enviable and earned respect ,associated with motherhood, through a resilient woman’s eye who is not agreeing to the yardsticks and parameters set up by the societal custodians, economists and politicians. The claims of mothers who are single through pathways other than being widowed, have yet to be comprehended and integrated, in the budgets and social development policies. I look forward to the day when civil society, legislators and donor groups can actually understand this multi-faceted issue in Pakistani contexts. This demands a substantial understanding of the strategic needs of such single mothers. In the backdrop of COVID19 Pandemic response I have yet to hear any voice for urban, educated and or skilled single mothers and who are heading households and have lost or losing their livelihoods. Yet again such issues need empathy lens that is rarely applied in policy-making and programming..
The writer is an intersectional feminist