I once saw a gossamer among the blades of grass. Fine, fragile filmy in formation, it waved whimsically, yet sturdily. Carrying the sparkling drops of dew which clung to it effortlessly. Mesmerised, I stared at the intricate network, which so little a creature had meticulously weaved. I followed the pattern, the form, each point connecting to the other, then fanning out into a spectacular marvel of nature. Suddenly it struck me, this little masterpiece, that the spider had unwittingly weaved, is so similar to a skeleton of human relations, laid bare to the naked eye. They both, delicate, yet strong, bear the weight of stress, but when they might snap, you cannot predict.
So how do you explain relationships, that intrinsic bond that ties the knots in the weave of our lives? Those inexplicable situations when, each one becomes tuned in to their own pain, to their story, and cannot see beyond it. Even though in a relationship, pain is mutual, just like happiness. It’s like being connected by an invisible umbilical cord, which can never be cut away. That’s why when two people in any relationship separate from each other, they may be physically apart, but the scars and the memories of the battle remain forever. Strangely, when the tides are rising and both parties decide that the only solution is to battle it out, all that matters is winning, with no prospect of reconciliation. Years of labour of love gets washed away in a blink of an eye. But if, even one contestant, softens their stance, it has a ripple effect, and automatically the tempest starts to die down. No one wants martyrs, because they are never glorified in a relationship.
Relationships that practice the ‘art of precious scars’, ‘kintsugi’, a Japanese art, where broken objects are saved, and put back together with lacquered resin, mixed with gold, platinum or silver powder. The whole process takes over a period of a month or two, after going through various treatments. Each shard is mended in its own unique way, literally wearing its scar on its sleeve, showing how precious it is, due to it’s break. The work that goes in it signifies a far more important truth, than saving an inanimate object, that in life everything is precious. Whether it be a lifeless object or a living breathing relationship. Here a verse from Rumi’s poetry comes to mind “ the wound is the place where the light enters you.” So mend, heal and go on, are what relationships are about, not break, throw and discard. Because what starts with love, should end with love, and the happily ever after, should be a part of everyone’s fairytale.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you”
As Aristotle says “Man is by nature a social animal.” Then continues to say, ”anyone who is unsocial naturally, and not accidentally, is either beneath our notice or more than man.” But because we are human and generally, cannot live without society, we have to live within the confines of a relationship, which we as man find tedious to maintain. Sometimes we see good human beings, who have it all, their own individual qualities shine out. But in a relationship they are totally blind to each other. What hurts you is, to see someone hurting, where they could be blissfully happy. But because of their fixation on how life could be, they can’t move on. They cannot undo their thinking, and in the process make themselves and their loved ones miserable.
Nature talks of symbiotic relationships, here i quote what I found “Symbiotic relationships are a special type of interaction between species. Sometimes beneficial, sometimes harmful, these relationships are essential to many organisms and ecosystems, and they provide a balance that can only be achieved by working together.” The last line ”and they provide a balance that can only be achieved by working together “.
That is what, man, relationships, and life is , sometimes beneficial to each other, sometimes harmful, but provide a balance and the equilibrium is established. No matter which relationship we pick up to light, they all need to be balanced, whether we take a cue from nature or from the Japanese art of kintsugi, they all talk of one same thing, saving, balancing and the timelessness of love.
Published in Daily Times, May 7th 2018.