If laughter is a medicine for the mind, its cheapest brand has to be the coverage of national politics our Urdu language media.
Consider the statements made in the media by our state minister for water and power, Abid Sher Ali, who can outperform any number of entertainers. In a statement covered by Jang newspaper on March 27, Ali has been quoted as saying that PPP’s Asif Ali Zardari and Sharjeel Memon have a doctorate degree in corruption. He also said that thieves and robbers were running affairs of government in Sindh and Zardari seemed to have bargained his wife late Benazir Bhutto’s blood for his current status. State minister for information Maryam Aurangzeb is a match for Abid Sher Ali when it comes to press statements. She has been quoted in Jang newspaper from the same day as saying that the interior minister, Chaudhry Nisar, is cleaning the country from the mess of corruption and is, thus, a nightmare for the corrupt. She also had choice words for Imran Khan. She said his ‘lust’ for the prime minister’s office had made him a mental patient.
The same edition of the newspaper has a report about former Pakistani Ambassador to the US Husain Haqqani complaining that the establishment in Pakistan never trusted him. One is compelled to ask whether the establishment ever trusted any civilians.
Another report says Ansar Abbasi wants the Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (Pemra) to make dupatta a mandatory piece of clothing for female anchors. He believes if this isn’t done the virus of obscenity will engulf the entire society. Abbasi has also asked Pemra to cancel the licence of an unnamed private TV channel for airing obscene (fohash) songs. He has vowed to have that channel banned and has already approached the prime minister’s office, besides the Pemra chief, for the purpose. He said that if needed he would take the matter to the Chief Justice of Pakistan. Then, Jang newspaper proudly claimed in its April 8 edition that the latter had taken a suo moto notice on Abbasi’s article.
It seems that BBC Urdu is no more an Urdu language publication since it frequently uses difficult English language words in its reports. Take the example of Umar Afridi’s report from April 8 where he used phrases like kasheedgi ko escalate kar sukti hay (this can escalate the conflict) and Assad hakumat dispute karti hay (Assad regime disputes). Perhaps, BBC Urdu should rename itself as BBC Urdu-English Mixed.
In Jang newspaper edition of March 31, former Punjab chief minister Pervez Elahi has been quoted advising Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif to consider gifting power outages to Indian government of Narendra Modi instead of hoping to export electricity to the neighbouring state. In a statement on April 6, Elahi said that the Punjab chief minister was not going to add any electricity to the national grid. He said Sharif was only minting money. It seems that Elahi does not like the prime minister going abroad for medical treatment. He said he wanted to become the chief minister one more time so that he could build a hospital where Nawaz Sharif could go for treatment.
In Daily Express edition on the same day, Orya Maqbool Jan has said that Jamiat is an innocent group that has always championed the cause of peace. He believes that Jamiat activists had suffered torture at the hand of leftists. In Jasarat edition on the same day, Shahnawaz Faruqi has hailed Senate Chairman Raza Rabbani as one of the most civilised persons in the People’s Party. In the same breath, he has also held that Rabbani had a PhD degree in bakwasiat (non-sense talk) because he considered General Ziaul Haq to be the father of extremism in Pakistan.
According to Daily Express edition of April 1, Maulana Fazlur Rehman was quite furious at spotting Allama Tahir Ashrafi at his press conference. The paper says that Ashrafi had disappeared from the venue following Maulana’s angry gestures at his uninvited arrival.
Jang newspaper has on April 6 quoted the grand Saudi mufti, Sheikh Abdul Aziz, as urging clerics in Pakistan to keep their Friday sermons short and free of any references to politics. It seems that the grand Imam has been watching our TV talk shows with great interest these days.
Asif Kirmani is one of the advisers of the prime minister. On April 8, he gave a statement to the media saying that PTI chairman Imran Khan did not have that line in his palm that was needed to become the next prime minister.
Deobandi clerics Mufti Taqi Usmani and Hanif Jalindhri said in a statement that Islam had nothing to do with terrorism and bloodshed. In the same breath, they said that they were willing to kill and die for the protection of Holy Prophet’s (pbuh) honour (namoose risalat).
In their weekly columns published in Nawa-i-Waqt on April 8, Qayum Nizami has claimed that Pakistan was being run by judges and generals and Nawaz Raza has questioned if Bhutto is still alive, what has happened to the PPP?
On April 8, Daily Express reported that a senior lawmaker from PTI, Arif Alvi, had clutched onto the neck of a police inspector in Karachi after exchange of hot words. It said the matter was later hushed up.
On April 9, Hizbul Mujahideen amir Syed Salahuddin has been quoted in the press complaining that Pakistan had abandoned Kashmiri mujahideen. He has asked the Pakistani government to return weapons it confiscated from the mujahideen during Musharraf’s government.
In Jang newspaper edition of April 11, Salim Safi has praised Maulana Fazlur Rehman, says that he is the politician who can make a lion and cat drink from the same pond. That is why neither Asif Ali Zardari nor Nawaz Sharif has ever refused him a favour. One wonders if Safi could have clarified who was the lion and who was the cat in his example.
The writer is a freelance journalist and researcher based in Islamabad. He has been editing Pakistan Media Monitor, a weekly media summary, since 2003. [email protected]