I’m absolutely unaware of how influential this kind of research can be in the midst of rising rates of domestic violence and divorce, but perhaps some facts are as revealing as a lady with disastrous makeup getting exposed in the middle of the party, and that too in broad daylight. Unfortunately, these unfortunate facts remain obscure until they get the certificate of a certain section of society.
Nothing too deep, it is a matter of discrimination, which has become a war between men and women, the consequences of which are terrible in terms of mental, physical, social and other aspects.
For the last three months, I have been collecting some data regarding the Rawalpindi Division, the purpose of which is to find out the factors of the increasing rate of domestic violence and divorce against women in the first half of 2023. I sought help from available materials, travelled, engaged in vis-a-vis meetings, and reached out to affected people living in nearby and remote areas of the Rawalpindi district.
According to the statistics recorded between Jan 1 to June 30, 2023, Rawalpindi Division has seen an unprecedented surge in cases of divorce, family feuds and domestic violence. A total of 5,804 family cases were registered in the family courts of Rawalpindi during the first half of the year. In 210 of these cases, husbands sought reconciliation after their wives left home due to family disputes. In the same period, courts granted 2,393 divorces, with 78 women being directed to return to their husbands. It was reported that more than 10,000 family cases are still pending in the family courts of Rawalpindi, out of which each judge deals with an average of 50 to 70 cases per day.
Girls do not have the right to raise their heads in front of their parents due to social pressure.
Stats aside, I’d dare to obtain some immediate conclusions drawn on the basis of these data. In this regard, experts target women and say that the growing influence of social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and messaging apps are contributing to this trend. The Human Rights Association and family case lawyers recommended that providers of Internet access to girls should be subject to greater scrutiny, adding that parents or siblings should have educational or professional qualifications. Arrange transport for daughters and sisters going to vocational training centres.
Well, I have a bone to pick with them. But first, let me explain why!
These statistics were very interesting to me. For further research, I had no choice but to go to Rawalpindi city and some rural areas and meet at least 20 people involved in marriages whose marriages ended in divorce. The results were contrary to my expectations. I realized that there has been a positive trend in the higher education of girls in the Pothohar region – a plateau in Punjab, Pakistan, located between the Indus and Jhelum rivers – due to which they are walking over them in academic and academic matters. It is, however, quite possible that this encouraging trend of girls’ education may be related to the condition of girls being literate for marriage, and hence parents are spending on their education.
On the other hand, the traditions associated with the males’ career paths have not changed at all. Since the farming system in these areas is not connected to canal water, men here prefer army jobs, menial government jobs or foreign labour to any kind of education. On the other hand, the girls have turned the tables. A girl goes to higher institutions. Her way of thinking is above par. Her quest is amazing as well and her vision is constantly adopting the mindset of progressive and modern societies. These girls have full capacity to do quality work in corporate, government and private institutions and they are keenly aware of improving their economic condition. Moreover, they need a partner who understands the trends of civilized societies and who fully understands the respect and dignity of women.
Given the above-mentioned circumstances, what should have happened now was that the parents respected the awareness given to the girls, were attached to their will and their thinking, and they had started forcing them to the contrary. As the characteristic of Pakistani society is that not giving a relationship to relatives is equivalent to cutting off the nose, this equality began to swallow the lives of girls. Girls did not have the right to raise their heads in front of their parents due to social pressure. They ultimately ended up getting married to their cousins who were devoid of any kind of good education and social ethics.
The case of Sania and Hareem is exactly the same. The former works in Rawalpindi, but she cannot forget that fateful time when her husband told her on the first night of her marriage that her education and her intellectual status were not even equal to the tip of his shoe. These matters escalated to such an extent that an endless series of domestic violence began. Sania’s husband used to be in Saudi Arabia, he would come on vacation early and accuse Sania of having illegitimate relationships. He felt that Sania had made friendships with her university classmates, and with whom Sania is in constant contact. Hareem’s husband tried to kill her by smashing her head against the wall in the barn before the birth of the second child. It was her luck that she survived that day and never agreed to be a means of another experiment.
Nimat Bibi did a Masters in International Public Relations and her fault was that she was completing an internship in a good institution in Islamabad, which was related to policy and strategy. During this time, she got married and her drunken husband pulled her off the job out of jealousy. The irony is that for the household expenses, he wouldn’t pay a penny, and Namat Bibi took the path of divorce when the limits of tolerance were exceeded.
Nida’s story had shaken even the likes of traditional police officers in the police station when she said that she and her daughter were very hungry and had been locked in a store since four o’clock. Her mother-in-law, sister and law and her husband, together, thrashed her and beat her with a whip before throwing her there. Nida’s brother had relations with the Rangers, with whose intervention they had to release the girl immediately, otherwise, the police wanted to hang the matter so that money could be minted and swindled.
Let me also clarify, I contacted men too, as much as possible, but most of them maintained the same attitude which can be called ignorance. Most of them made women accountable and hid behind the accusation. Unfortunately, they got massive support from people and further wanted every tactic of ignorance and violence perpetrated by them should get approval from the masses.
Maybe this information taken from about 30 couples will not get much value compared to a large focus group, extensive research and modern research, but they certainly pave the way for more reliable research. It rejects the misrepresentation, which is based on fixing the moral education of women with respect to their own standards, or where women are prevented from accessing the Internet or social media.
The writer is part of the National Media Workshop on Domestic Violence and Child Marriage.