I thought I was going to have a major heart attack that day. Looking at him, I knew I would have to improvise a new strategy urgently to get through that crucial interview before my graduation, of which he was my examiner. Like all ‘brilliant’ students, I had not studied at all for my boards and planned to rely upon ‘foreign aid’ and selfless friends to help in the time of need. Nonetheless, as soon as he entered the hall, I knew my interviewer was bad news for me. He appeared to be an extremely honest man, a practising Muslim, in both appearance and actions, who was set to evaluate a bourgeois student praying for immediate celestial interference. In my opinion, there was no hope to convince him that some exchange of ‘gifts’ — cash or otherwise — could be mutually beneficial. He was wearing a designer Shalwar Kameez, which was drenched with holy water after he had thoroughly cleaned himself for ablution; his head was covered by a short and rounded taqiyah (cap), his mustache shaved, his untrimmed beard loosely hung down to his enormous belly and the full length of his socks were exposed below his pajamas. “If someone starts coughing after offering his Isha prayers with a tinge of fresh blood in the sputum,” I said confidently, reorganising my thoughts at a breakneck speed, “And continues to suffer with high grade fevers, difficulty in breathing and increasing chills by the time of Tahajjud, then most likely the patient is suffering from pneumonia.” I responded to his question about the signs and symptoms of bacterial lung infections. He was fairly impressed by my precise, well-timed and ‘pious’ presentation. I could see a glitter in his eyes and observed a faint smile on his face. “Even with worsening infection, he would feel better by Fajr, and particularly improved by Ishraq because of the circadian surge in the steroid levels,” I continued. Afterwards, he went on to ask me the next question about the transmission of Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) infection. My response to that was also a mixture of biology, zoology and psychology. Obviously, since the religious model was working well, all my explanations were loaded with appropriate authentic Islamic references. Six months later, when the results were announced, I found out that I had earned a distinction on that subject. Hearing about my success, I immediately prostrated in front of Almighty Allah for his benevolence and decided to never shave again and keep a beard for the rest of my life, although trimmed and always with a mustache! Honestly speaking, this incident did not happen to me, but I know it is based on truth, and nothing (except for minor adjustments) but the truth. I heard it from a close and trustworthy friend of mine, who had heard it from his best friend, who was informed by his close associate until the chain ended at the 27th chronicler. In any case, the message of the story is clear and powerful, providing this incident reasons to stick around for years and be transmitted from one self-proclaimed genius to another. It tells us that only the Islam of a particular brand can save us in Pakistan, and faith will determine our fate regardless of our competence, capabilities and contribution. This neo-Islamic movement has been around for years but was particularly advanced during General Ziaul Haq’s illegitimate reign. Over the last few years, it has grown further to become a full-blown political force in itself. The movement focuses on the syllabi of schoolchildren with an objective to align the ‘historical facts’ with our ideological paradigm. In this context, the proponents use one of two strategies. They either entirely disregard the accomplishment of a ‘non-conforming’ Pakistani or if his achievement is too big to belittle, they ‘change’ his religion. Dr. Abdul Salam, a renowned theoretical physicist and the only Pakistani Nobel prize Laureate, falls in the former category. His scientific pursuits were too complicated to comprehend for even the most learned Pakistanis except Engineer Agha Waqar Ahmed, the inventor of an engine that runs on water after its battery is charged by electricity. They were also ‘strategically ignorable’, and therefore, easily disregarded by the whole nation, as if the international honour was awarded to Dr Salam for his ‘anti-Muslim’ sentiments, while the scholar has been personally ridiculed and derided for decades based on his faith. Fortunately, Quaid-e-Azam represents the latter group since his achievement — the creation of Pakistan — as a ‘religious outcast’ could not be discounted. Therefore, the founder’s faith was revised altogether and certain ‘misconceptions’ about his agnosticism were removed. And through our pursuit of the ‘real truth,’ we have almost reconstructed Jinnah’s image from a liberal Shiite into a conservative Sunni religious scholar. I am sure, in due course, we will also find his ‘intended application’ to change his name to a Pakistan-friendly title that he would have submitted before his last journey from Quetta to Karachi with his ‘genuine’ signature! A considerable amount of literature — books, articles, columns and handouts — is now being produced on a regular basis. It is not about his role in the struggle for independence; instead, it talks about his faith, his deep understanding of Islamic history and his near-conversion to the majority sect. His new pictures with a mustache-less long beard would also emerge on the Pakistani rupee soon, and his western lifestyle would be declared as a ‘conspiracy theory’ and computer gimmicks developed by the ‘enemies’ of Islam. Eventually, Muhammad Ali Jinnah would be pronounced as Maulana Muhammad Ali of Deoband. The writer is a US-based freelance columnist. He tweets at @KaamranHashmi and can be reached at skamranhashmi@gmail.com