Urdu media has infinite humor to offer. The best pastime during Ramazan is to read Urdu papers. The fasting would not more be tough.
Wali-e-Swat’s daughter in law Musarat Zeb tells Ummat (May 22) that Malala was the dullest child in Swat. It was the BBC correspondent who would make her rote speeches and scripts. Attack on Malala was part of this script. The same issue quotes the opposition leader Khurshid Shah: ‘Modi and Sajjan Jandal make Pakistan’s foreign policy.’ Same day’s Express quotes former chief minister Punjab Pervez Elahi: ‘Modi has engaged the services of Nawaz Sharif to contest Kalbhusan’s case.’ And Nawa-i-Waqt quotes Farooq Sattar: We are not Bombay Bakery’s cake that can be divided among eaters. Don’t take as shabrati halwa. We are steel nuts!’
Nawaz Sharif does not want to be disqualified by the judiciary. His preference is GHQ in this regard! Sheikh Rashid. Interior ministry’s spokesman is a kid. He is not my competitor: Khurshid Shah, Express, May 25
Danyal Aziz states calls Imran Khan a goon who wants Nawaz Sharif’s disqualification by the judiciary. Jang, May 26.
The Saudi rulers treated Nawaz Sharif as 12th man. He practiced so hard to deliver a speech but Saudis did not give him a chance. Imran Khan, Ausaf, May 23
Taliban’s godfather Maulana Samiul Haq says how can rulers announce Jihad? They are the lackeys of the foreign powers. Jang, May 30
A spokesman’s duty is to sling mud on his leader’s opponents come. Following the same rule, PTI’s Fawad Chaudhry says PML-N is not a jumhoori but a jamoora party! Hussain Nawaz should teach students the tricks to rob the nation and become a trillionnaire in teenage. He is paid back in his own coin by one of PML-N’s toadies Attaul Haq Qasmi: At present, there is no bigger political blackmailer than Imran Khan. Many institutions fear him. Jang, June 2. Bilawal has his own way of ridiculing Sharif. ‘The real thief in Pakistan is Nawaz Sharif who is now reaping what he had sown.’Jang, June 1
Senator Aajiz Dhamra claims that Nehal Hashmi’s dialogues were written by Nawaz Sharif and Chaudhry Nisar. Express, June 1
Taiba Zia advises information minister Maryam Aurangzeb to use eggs to protect Hussain Nawaz from evil eyes andon say nazar utaray). Firdous Ashiq Awan is raddi chaan-boora (junk) that PTI has purchased to win elections in 2018. Firdous is another addition to the army of Ashiqeen (lovers) in PTI. Nawa-i-Waqt, June 1
People of Sialkot have put a huge ad in different newspapers hailing Firdous Ashiq Awan’s decision of changing political parties. She ditched PPP and joined PTI. The ad has anointed herself as ‘Dukhtare Sialkot’.
Rauf Klasra in his column writes that Firdous Ashiq Awan did not deserve the information ministry. Kaira and Sherry Rehman were removed so that Firdous could become minister. What was special in her? Only Zardari knows this because he said nobody knows men better than Firdous! Dunya, June 2
Sare Rah comments that Sh Rashid has set a record of making false predictions. He would announce every month that this government will be packing and leaving within 30 days which never happens
Our media reported that Pakistan was ignored in Saudi Arabia recently. Amir Hamza challenges it by writing that it was Nawaz Sharif who met the royal family after Trump. He was in the row after Trump and General Raheel Sharif was sitting very close to a Saudi prince! Shah Suleman made Trump bow before him by putting King Aziz award around his neck! Dunya, June 2
Nusrat Javeed loves to declare himself as do takay ka reporter. Read his columns and you can’t miss this tribute that he keeps paying to himself. Nawa-i-Waqt, June 2
Sare Rah comments that Sheikh Rashid has set a record of making false predictions. He would announce every month that this government will be packing and leaving within 30 days which never happens. But Sheikh can’t lock his mouth! Nawa-i-Waqt, June 2
Nehal Hashmi tells Ausaf (June 2) that God is a witness to the truth that he never threatened JIT or the judiciary. In fact, he is that hero who was attacked during movement for restoration of judiciary!
Nawaz Sharif threatens judiciary through Nehal Hashmi. His arrogance will lead him to destruction the fourth time. His daughter runs a bugging cell at the Prime Minister Secretariat, claims Aitzaz Ahsan, Express, June 3
Nehal Hashmi will attend my phone now because he is no more a senator. He should not have tried to become a ‘Gullu Butt’, writes Muzafar Ejaz in his column. Jasarat, June 3.
Ajmal Niazi writes that Abid Sher Ali is Nehal Hashmi’s younger brother. Nehal advised Abdi Sher to give candles to the people because there is no electricity. ‘I never heard Nehal’s name. He is from Karachi. He was brought to Punjab, appointed as senator just for this job i.e. to threaten judiciary. Nawa-i-Waqt, June 3
The writer is a freelance journalist and researcher based in Islamabad. He has been editing Pakistan Media Monitor, a weekly media summary, since 2003. [email protected]