‘Theory of Entanglement’ in Quantum Physics suggests a concept of fundamental wholeness in a sense that two particles if once entangled (even for a brief period) are still deeply connected even if they are placed at two opposite ends of Universe defying concepts of locality and causality. All of it seemed absurd to me until for once I fell in love and my perspective changed.
And like most of first loves mine was unreciprocated too. There is something unique about first love it sort of violates law of conservation, it’s effect is stronger than its cause. May be that’s what makes it rather impossible for the other person to reciprocate. Maybe not.
Whenever something tragic happens in our life our tendency is to search for its meaning. This article is a consequence of my temptation for a meaning.
I enjoy this to and fro motion from the world of Realism to the world of Romanticism, from the world of classical physics to the world of Quantum but I’d suggest my readers not to stay in either worlds for too long. I believe had Einstein experienced love (assuming that he didn’t) he wouldn’t have stuck with his idea of Realism for long and perhaps would have eventually reconciled with Quantum Physicists and their world of Infinite Possibilities. Don’t give up on realism, idea here is to maintain necessary balance between both worlds and use that flight of fantasy to develop perspective which will help us grow intellectually.
We are born with a certain kind of anxiety that an inherent void causes and love fills that void for once at least before leaving us in the same despair. This is the tragedy of birth that dispossessed us from our origin consequently dispensing us with feeling of Hijr (separation) which probably only death can eradicate and in between only love.
During the course of history a lot of philosophers have tried to explain this rather absurd phenomenon, love, which is beautiful, intoxicating, heartbreaking, soul crushing and ironically often all at the same time.
Ancient Greek philosopher (427-347 BC) claims that we love in order to become complete again. In his ‘Symposium’ Aristophanies, a comic playwright treats the guests with the following story:
“Humans were once creatures with four arms,four legs and two faces . One day they angered the gods ad Zeus sliced them all in pieces. Since then every person has been missing half of him or herself and Love is the longing to find someone who will make us complete again. ”
German Philosopher Schopenhaeuer (1789-1860) believed that love based in sexual desire was a voluptuous illusion. It tricks us into making babies. He was of the view that we love because our desire makes us believe that another person will make us happy but we are badly mistaken. Nature is basically manipulating us through our desire into procreating as no one will consciously take on the heavy burden to reproduce the next generation and when our physical desires are met nature throws us back into our previous state of existence which is full of misery.
We are born with a certain anxiety that an inherent void causes Love fills that void momentarily before leaving us in the same despair. This is the tragedy of birth that dispossessed us from our origin, consequently dispensing us with feeling of ‘Hijr’ which probably only death can eradicate
Those who have been through traumatic experience of love tend to develop this fear of falling in love or getting attached with the same person or someone else. A famous cultural critic ‘Zizek’ calls this sort of behavior as ‘Western Buddhism’ where you tend to let go of attachments and look for love but without the fall.
The reason behind institution of arranged marriage still being relevant is partly because of heartbreaks and general tendency of human beings (humans are headed towards pre-modern times) to look for love without the fall, without the tragedy, the trauma that comes along with it.
And that is worrisome.
Prefrontal Cortex is part of brain linked with cognitive a capabilities related to human uniqueness: purposeful actions towards higher goals, complex social information processing, introspection and language. One of the problems with early stages of love is that this recently evolved part of brain shuts down and the oldest evolutionary part of human brain linked with drive, craving, obsession and motivation becomes active.
People fall madly in love with someone who is married, lives at opposite end of planet,is from another religion or culture and they somehow manage to convince themselves during that period that this relationship is feasible and they will work things out. This all happens ‘cause of lack of activity in the cognitive regions of brain.
So for a sustainable relationship in future one must wait till the intense feelings of romantic subside before making any decisions. Only then one is in a better position to see to make the right decision. Some experts call it slow love.
The following verses of Ayatullah Al-Azam of Urdu poetry Faiz Ahmed Faiz dedicated to the one I fell for will conclude my work of love:
ada-e-laghzish-e-pa par qayamateñqurbañ
bayaz-ruKhpesaharkisabahateñqurbañ
In the delicacy of those misplaced feet, I can sacrifice eternities
To read a leaf, off the book of her face, I can let go of morning wine
Happy Valentine’s Day!
The writer is a Political Activist and a Research Analyst based in Lahore. He tweets at @BeingKamil and can be contacted at kamil. pgc12@gmail. com
Published in Daily Times, February 14th 2018.