All alone tattered in shreds, mind catastrophically burnt out, nerves tangled, hormones disrupted, my dark days were pulling in longer. At present, it felt colder, though it was never cold, and it felt more prickling, though it was never this disturbing. Now, it was getting real. It was never more difficult to breathe before, than right now. This made me feel tragically tormented, nearer to my demise.
To encounter bad experiences in life is a routinely affair. Where once I would be an onlooker observing such cases and sniffing at the side out of pathos, oblivious of what the future had kept for me, I now myself, was haunted by this tragedy. Betrayed!
In the course of life, when I needed unending support from my closed ones, a dark side would curtain before me, mockingly whispering into my ears to think twice before relying on the people I loved. Despondently and truly, they were never mine.
It saddens me incredibly and the most, when on the verge of my most obscured state of affairs I needed them, they left me in the lurch.
The truth has brutally poured upon me. Alas! The fault is in my veins for trusting too much and then being jilted. Now, making complains is just like inhaling in the infected air. It will neither heal time nor bring it back so it can be molded again.
Pelted savagely by my close ones has now turned me astute and callous. The time I passed all alone being mad about my state of affairs, hesitantly brought me to the brink. I, at any cost, would never let that time come when I will pardon my back stabbers now.
For me, souls leaving their bodies are more appealing than their existence. Now that I can express my wish, the people who have wronged me deserve to be put away forever.
A liar or backbiter can be forgiven but back stabbing under one’s nose by your closed ones is an end to all.
Optimistically, I’m placating myself that it all happened for the good; at least I was able to figure out the ins and outs of the ingrowing venomous snakes inside of them. This has made me vigilant of all concocted conspiracies by people, against me.
It has taught me a deadly lesson to be cheeky, to remain gentle were ideas of the past which would not work now. I made them drag me in their own coil by giving them the chance, so moaning over it is utterly futile. Nevertheless, the dice is in my hands. I will swing it in my way and let the blows wipe off all the wrongdoers from around me.
Trust is a hard game, not everyone gets its taste as sweet as it is brainstormed into the mind. It’s so precarious that it slowly jabs into one’s blood as slow poison and until he or she finds out the truth, it is too late to filter it from your system.
Unfortunately, the ending is unpredictably nerve-racking. As now, I will be writing my heart out, tears running down my cheeks, heart splintered, my lesson from the past, to the present and into the future is that if you are poor at making decisions then start building up your own-self piece by piece before it’s too late. You have to be a perfect decision maker first. In the start, you may fall crumbling down and feel low, but sooner than never you will adopt to making decisions, especially the important ones in your life. Regretting the past will no more waste your energy.
I am left on a tattered rail path which can never be reused again. All that all can be done is to do away with it forever.
In the midst of it all, what I have changed is just one thing, swapping from living beings to non-living things: my love for books. I keep them hugged against myself at all times. They never betray me. Even when used roughly or intently, they never complain. My books bestow me with the precious wisdom and gift that no power on earth can think of stealing or snatching away from me.
One is born to show others how he treats his breaths, as an example before he dies. One has to die reluctantly one day, but to die before dying is not a good lesson to be learnt.
Treat evil by holding it from its neck; wring it to as much of an extent that you can, show it the most ultimate power you are blessed with, since birth. Ignorance doesn’t always work in every matter; at times, a stance is required, to teach you not to repeat mistakes in the future. This is my lesson and advice to you.
The writer is a Web Editor and content writer at ZaiqaTV and she can be reached at [email protected]
Published in Daily Times, December 31st 2017.