Whether it’s in day-to-day conversation or in the media, a common response to admissions of sexual assault is a phenomenon called victim blaming. Victim blaming involves questioning victims of violence , particularly sexual violence about their actions, and what they could have done to prevent it. It can be defined as someone saying, implying, or treating a person who has experienced harmful or abusive behaviour like it were a result of something they did or said, instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs: on the person who harmed them. I have experienced first-hand the ‘she asked for it’ attitude. There was a splashy image in a magazine of an ample bosomed young lady in tight jeans. The males browsing through the magazine, scoffed derisively: “Look at what she’s wearing. She’s asking for it.”In our country, people start their sentence with not believing the victim. They say, “Why was she wearing revealing clothes?” They also question the woman and say, “This is what happens when women go out with their heads not covered”. That is the line of their thinking. In our country, people start their sentence with not believing the victim. They say, “Why was she wearing revealing clothes?” They also question the woman and say, “This is what happens when women go out with their heads not covered”. That is the line of their thinking. Clothing doesn’t offer any justification for sexual violence. A victim’s choice of attire is not a mitigating factor in rape cases and should be removed altogether from admissible evidence. The major issue I have with this line of reasoning is that there’s a well-hidden presupposition that women are actually responsible for any danger faced because of their choice in attire, and that kind of thinking must be pushed back. Perpetuating the stereotype that women ‘ask for it’ by how they dress seeks to mitigate the responsibility of the abuser and makes a woman complicit in her own sexual assault based on what she chose to wear. Clothing is not a?significant factor in sexual violence. It merely serves as a distraction from the real root cause of the problem and a method to try to avoid repercussions by the offender.
Every crime against a woman in our society is deeply rooted in patriarchy and sadly is not rooted in circumstance.
It is extremely unfortunate that many Pakistanis fail to understand what harassment really signifies. Many consider it to be an act which involves physical or sexual violence directed towards another person; however, it is important to understand that harassment covers wider issues. Any offensive behaviour, whether it is as insignificant as cracking a sleazy joke or as derogatory as touching someone indecently, qualifies as harassment. For instance, Pakistani women travelling in public transport are susceptible to verbal and physical harassment by fellow passengers, drivers and bus conductors. It is extremely unfortunate that many Pakistanis fail to understand what harassment really signifies. Many consider it to be an act which involves physical or sexual violence directed towards another person; however, it is important to understand that harassment covers wider issues. Any offensive behaviour, whether it is as insignificant as cracking a sleazy joke or as derogatory as touching someone indecently, qualifies as harassment. Women in Pakistan are often advised by family members or relatives not to be out late at night, or to make sure they have a male companion with them. When talking about the infamous Zainab Rape case , people comment of how her honour was taken away and not that she was raped, and that is a crime. Every crime against a woman in our society is deeply rooted in patriarchy and sadly is not rooted in circumstance. In Pakistan, women and girls who allege rape are often more strongly condemned than their alleged rapists. The police and jurists do not take rape victims seriously. Their attitude stinks of indifference with a “Sure, I’ll talk to you. You’re just some girl.”
In a world where safety feels like a luxury, women constantly feel like they need to watch their backs. Whether it’s deciding to walk home or just going about their day, they’re on high alert. Women are taught to carry keys, keep their phones charged, stick to well-lit areas and with a group of people. Even the simple act of walking home at night becomes a calculated risk. Society has ingrained these ideas that a women’s safety is their own responsibility which has resulted in a constant state of hyperawareness. However, it’s not just about physical safety; women must think about everything from what they wear to where they go. There is a pressure to avoid anything that might “attract” trouble, as if something does happen, the victim often finds the blame on themselves. Questions such as ‘what were you wearing?’ or ‘why were you out so late?’ are asked as if it was their own fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. To be clear, the ones to blame are the people who commit violence, not the victims. No level of vigilance can get rid of the threat of harm. It is not the women’s job to go about life in fear of potential dangers, but rather the responsibility of society to stop the systems that sustain this culture of fear within women. When we blame the victim, we let the offender off the hook. When courts prioritise the offender’s reputation and future over the harm the victim has experienced, it leaves the victim with a sense of injustice. This prioritisation reinforces victim blaming, undermines trust in authorities, discourages future crime reporting, and compounds the victim’s emotional isolation and trauma. The justification of sexual violence with the phrase “boys will be boys” suggests that male aggression, sexual misconduct, and inappropriate behaviour are simply typical aspects of boys’ development. For many males, disrespectful attitudes towards females are completely normalised, creating an environment where sexual assault is perceived as less severe or even dismissed as not “real” rape. This normalisation occurs due to the casual and careless nature of hookup culture in contemporary society.
Our society invalidates and isolates victims. When a victim is blamed, it invalidates their traumatic experience and can lead to increased feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. This often makes them feel isolated and can hinder their healing process. I was sitting at a table in a mall sipping a lemonade, mind wandering, when the conversation at the table next to me caught my attention. “Look at how that girl is dressed,” one of the women told her companion, nodding with her chin toward a young woman walking out of a nearby store. “She’s just asking for trouble.” I could not help wondering what kind of “trouble” the teen was purportedly seeking. What I got from the conversation was the suggestion that the girl was asking for inappropriate or even dangerous attention from males. Some people believe that a woman can be responsible for a sexual assault because of the way she was dressed when she was attacked. It’s not true. It’s as illogical as blaming a piece of jewelry for being stolen. “If it wasn’t so pretty.” . Who’s going to blame a mugging victim because he had a wallet? It is offensive to suggest that a guy simply can’t control himself when confronted with a girl who shows skin or that her clothing choice diminishes an assault. That kind of misguided notion gets in the way of dealing with the real issues of sexual and other forms of violence. One example, a woman was taking a course, and she was talking about her sister, who was raped. Her sister ended up going to therapy afterwards, and when in therapy, the therapist said, ‘Well, what you should have done is this’ Here is a trained therapist coming from a place of helping people being blatantly victim blaming. Even though it’s coming from a good place, it has to be stopped, and people have to be re-educated. Victims overall are prevented from coming forward and telling the truth because they feel like they won’t be believed. Gender harms are so often dismissed and trivialized whereby we blame victims, just as we do with rape: “You wear short clothes.”
Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, possibly without claiming it, she stands up for all women. We need to realise that rape is rape, barring any excuse. Attitudes that cultivate doubt about the sexual abuse as not a rape with casual comments like “She was such a tease.” This attitude needs to be nipped in the bud. I know of a victim who occasionally talked about what a certain person did to him, ,however, she kept minimising it. Then she began talking to those closest to her. They were the first ones to call it what it was. Let us end the rape culture; end “boys will be boys;” end “she was asking for it;” end victim blaming; end protecting rapists; end hyper sexualisation; end objectification; end entitlement to women’s bodies, and end institutional indifference.
The writer is an ex-banker and a freelance columnist. She can be reached at tbjs.cancer.1954 @gmail.com