It was scorching hot weather when thousands of people gathered at the debris of Lal Masjid (Red Mosque) to mourn the deaths of their loved ones. Many of them also found human bones. They were protesting against the military operation for taking down the Mosque and killing the Jihadis, who fought against the police and military troops. It was my start as a Reporter with a leading news channel. My colleagues and I were covering the protest when my boss asked me to go and report about the situation at Aabpara market, just half a mile from “Red Mosque.” I was so excited as this was the first time I was covering the biggest protest as a Television Reporter. Our head office was live on the phone with me from the newsroom to get the updates. As soon as I had reached the Aabpara market, a huge explosion rocked the surroundings with a big bang. For a moment, I was out of my senses, but then, I realized it was a bomb blast and I must report. My cell phone was still connected to the newsroom. I told them about the bomb blast, and they took me live in the special transmission. It was the first time I saw dozens of dead bodies in front of me and dozens more injured, crying for help. Human parts were scattered everywhere, but I was just reporting, explaining whatever I was witnessing. In a few minutes, a crowd of thousands of people who were at “Red Mosque” reached Aabpara market, started chanting slogans against the government. I felt it was a war going on as security personnel tried to clear the area to help the injured, but nothing worked out and police started using tear gas and I was in the middle of it. After an hour of reporting, I reached back to the office safely; feeling sick due to the shelling of tear gas. I got a warm welcome at the office and received dozens of calls from my family, friends and neighbours who watched my live reporting on TV. The next day, I took out the recordings and watched myself live. I was so impressed with myself: big breaking and great reporting, that too on the first try. That was the day I had become senseless as no one tried talking or thinking about the innocent lives lost in that suicide bomb blast. How could a man leave his family behind in the middle of a bomb blast, she wondered. I kept telling her that I was just doing my job. But the truth is I had become a “senseless” person. A few months later, I was covering another suicide attack at F-8 Katchehri Islamabad, reporting live standing in the middle of dead bodies and human parts and feeling so good for being a “senseless” front-line reporter. And again, a few months later, I was having ice cream with my wife and one-year-old son at the Jinnah Super Market, when I heard a big explosion just across the street. After the big bang, rain of debris and gun powder poured down on us all and everyone was stunned. An exchange of heavy gunfire soon started. I left my wife and son in the market and started running towards the place where the blast had occurred. My wife was crying but I never looked back as I was so excited to break the news, I was the only one there, no other TV crew, so I got live, broke the story, and after 20 to 30 minutes, other channels also started arriving at the scene. When I came back, my wife was still crying in the car and my one-year-old son was in shock at whatever was happening around him. My wife started exchanging some harsh words with me and called me senseless. How could a man leave his family behind in the middle of a bomb blast, she wondered. I kept telling her that I was just doing my job. But the truth is I had become a “senseless” person. There are many other stories like the crash of Bhoja airline in Islamabad and other bomb blasts, which I covered. To be honest, I never felt anything about the loss of life in all the incidents. Now, for the last ten years, I have been living in the United States. Living in this great country for a decade has changed me and I feel that I am no longer senseless. Whenever I hear of a bomb blast, terrorist activities or suicide blast in Pakistan, I cannot control my emotions. I feel as if I have lost someone very close to me. But why the change of heart? There may be only one reason: this great country makes sure to take care of any reason that might result in the loss of human life. They make sure to protect not only humans but anything in the living or nonliving form. As a nation, they successfully built a narrative that every human life has a right to live freely. It is the duty of heads of states and law enforcement agencies to provide them full protection and justice of whatever price they must pay for that. Sadly, in Pakistan, the episodes of terrorist suicide attacks have continued for so long and the recent blast at a mosque in Peshawar showed us the senselessness of the government and establishment, responsible for the failed foreign and domestic policies. The controversial “Red Mosque” and its extremist firebrand Maulana Abdul Aziz are also back in the news – this time in defence of the Taliban flag. A few months ago, in a clip circulating in social media, the cleric can be heard telling the policemen that the “Pakistani Taliban” will not spare them. In another, Maulana Aziz can be seen holding a rifle while sitting out the madrassa. Most top analysts in Pakistan and the world are raising concerns that keeping close relations with the religious groups and Taliban in Afghanistan will bring more terrorism in Pakistan and it has started now. Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan, ISIS, Tehrek-e-Labaik Pakistan and others have started regrouping and are creating stronger and safer havens in tribal areas and Afghanistan. But, policymakers in Pakistan are just thinking about their interests and how they can use them against arch-rivals. Even as a nation, we blame everything on India. Ok, India is doing everything, but what measures are you taking to keep your people safe? That shows how senseless we are, both as a government and as a nation. Again, after this blast, we are reporting standing on the dead bodies, blaming India, announcing compensation for the dead and injured and forgetting while a religious cleric raising flags of Taliban in the heart of Capital city, once again challenging the authority of civilian and military rulers. All this shows our priorities: that, we are still not ready to learn lessons from the past. Keeping the terrorist-friendly policies shows how senseless we are. Just standing on dead bodies. “God bless Pakistan.” The writer is a Washington-based journalist and author. He has been covering international politics and foreign policy for the last 15 years. He can be reached at jahanzaibali1@gmail.com and tweets@JazzyARY.