One of the relentlessly awaited and hankered occurrences in the matrimonial timeline of the South Asian couples is the birth of a child, particularly a boy. The male child is the apple of the eye, the beacon of hope and silver lining in the cloud that is anticipated to bring glad tidings like pride to the family, hope to the clan, honour to the father and foothold to the mother. Whilst his counterpart–the female child–is no less than a shower of blessings, these are soon withered and washed away by the society’s misguided understanding of her security, safety and honour.
From the age of infancy, women are subjected to injustices, which oscillate in different forms. Two such common forms, in the everyday lives of Pakistani women, are forced marriages and honour killings. Since the onset of the family, matrimonial partners are prejudiced (knowingly or unknowingly) as they earnestly pray and whole-heartedly wish for a male child. And adding insult to injury, they are trained to mourn the birth of a female child either by blaming the wife for producing a female child or by divorcing the woman or opting for another marriage.
This mindset to look up to the male has staged a masculine power structure in our society. It has hardwired masses of generations to accept vertical authority, be it in the husband-wife relationship, parent-child relationship, teacher-student relationship, brother-sister relationship, employer-employee relationship, ruler-ruled relationship or federal-provincial government relationship.
It has set the floor for inimical cultural practices, such as forced marriages, child marriages, bride price, Watta Satta (bride exchange), Karo Kari (honour killings) and Haq-Bakshish. So much so that masculinity in some regions means men blaming women for infertility and impotency.
This is particularly true for the province of Sindh where maintaining the anonymity of females within the household is tied to masculinity. As a consequence, women are not allowed to engage in public life. The Mursmano (patriarch of the house) does not see it appropriate for women to step outside the house.
One solution to women’s issues is the inclusive mindset that is an attitude of respect for all, the honour for all, the expression for all, equality for all, co-operation for all, opportunities for all, success for all and future for all
Thus, when a woman steps out to find a job or a partner, the patriarch sees it as endangering his control and feels it his duty to restore the lost honour.
This centralised sense of honour has deprived women of the experience of equality. It has stripped them off empathy and reciprocity. So much so that receiving and giving respect, sharing and exchanging views and scratching each other’s back on the bedrock of mutual trust, comity and co-operation are no longer the treasures of women.
It has made men their exclusive beneficiary, and women are not even near to their equal entitlement. This is because men and women have never have had the equation in our society where each gender thought they were conducive to the other. Instead, men made it their responsibility to keep themselves on a higher pedestal so that the control over women’s lives was not decentralised. In this way, the fear of losing control made men deny women the right to Talaq-e-Tafweez, right to inherit property, right to work, right to choose a marriage partner, right to decide the number of children and so on. Naturally, if you are a man reading this, you will frown at this and think that the writer is a hard-core feminist. Perhaps, I am, if it means bringing to light the problems that women are facing in our society to lighten up in us empathy for those who are impacted by our unquestioned ties to an insane sense of honour. My point is to correct us all not to make women issue or men issue a matter of feminism or men-ism rather look at how can the ensuing harm be curbed.
I acknowledge the efforts of men in making money, in giving a sense of security and freedom to their women. But I see this to be the exception rather than the norm of our society.
Against these inequalities, I propose some solutions to women issues. One solution is the inclusive mindset that is an attitude of respect for all, the honour for all, the expression for all, equality for all, co-operation for all, opportunities for all, success for all and future for all.
Another solution lies with parents. If they start treating their children as equals and engage in dialogue with them there will be fewer instances of honour killing, female eloping, external counselling, school dropping and honour-hampering.
A third solution is with husbands. If they start empowering their wives by merely listening to them; they will win their confidence and govern their relationships with care and empathy than force and authority. In a similar vein if brothers started understanding the needs of their sisters and gave them space in personal life choices then their heads would forever be crowned with the earned pride of equity and fairness. Last but not the least if the government adopted a National Action Plan which cared for the grassroots then the long-lingering dearth of implementation in areas where legislation is found would be ratified.
As a final thought, if this new inward-looking formula is internalised as a national attitude or value then much of our differences will be ironed out. It will make birth honour, female honour, male honour and governmental honour all equal. It will also solidify a genuine sense of justice among the aggrieved.
As a minimal, it will facilitate the vulnerable to develop their sense of individuality and do away with the auto-pilot replication of deep-seated traditions. With such a change, parents will not set the bride price as in the past, husbands/brothers will not honour kill their spouses/sisters as in recent times and governments will not recur the mistakes of their predecessor like Hudood Ordinance 1979 which made women perpetrators of Zina if they could not establish rape charge. Although an end has been marked to this through the Women Protection (Criminal Amendment) Act 2006 and s.375 of Pakistan Penal Code 1860, the twenty-seven years delay is alarming and a mistake, which calls, “May justice be done!”
The writer is a law graduate of the University of London and teaches Jurisprudence & Legal Theory