Dear Mathira & Rose,
I am a 30-year-old girl who is very career-oriented. A couple of months back, this girl joined my office who’s a few years elder to me. She’s very pretty and very nice with a good sense of humour. I wouldn’t say we’ve become friends but it’s nice to have good company around. However, her trouble is that she’s a bit moody and acts bipolar sometimes. She would sometimes act assertive when trying to suggest something, although, we’re equal and she’s definitely not my boss. Sometimes, she’d be all laid back and nice and chummy. There’ll be times when she wouldn’t even say hello or goodbye to me at work and would snap at me if I ask her something random. Also, she’s divorced and is a single parent. Anyway, I feel angry at her with these mood swings of her but then sometimes I feel sorry for her too. Her behaviour is really confusing me. I don’t want to talk to her about it as we’re not that close but what kind of behaviour shall I adopt towards her?
Rose’s advice:
I don’t think you should be taking this issue seriously because you guys are just colleagues and nothing more. There’s no closeness. You’re not friends with her and only see each other in the office and never outside. You shouldn’t feel angry at her behaviour, rather keep it quite professional. If her mood swings are affecting your work and if she’s trying to boss you around then you need to talk to her about it. Given her background, I know you feel sorry for her as she’s a single parent and might be going through a tough time. God knows what might be happening to her or her child at home. There’s a lot that a single parent goes through. It’s possible that when she snaps at you, she might be having a bad day. Still that doesn’t give her the licence to snap at you even if she was your boss. You’re not entitled to handle her personal mood swings and tantrums. If there’s something wrong with your work, then it’s understandable if your boss roasts you, but this woman is not even your boss. So it doesn’t make sense. Tell her that you would love to work with her in a friendly environment but you’re not going to handle her personal tantrums. Act neutral. Only respond when she approaches. Don’t fret over office problems for people who don’t even matter. You’re going to come across a lot of characters in future as well.
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Mathira’s advice:
I think this woman has gone through a very rough patch. Being a single mother isn’t easy. I’m one and trust me, you face a lot of stuff like being responsible. And when you’re a single mother, you have to develop two personalities as you can’t be aggressive or depressed in front of your child. You have to act like everything’s okay. I think your friend is suffering from severe depression. Sometimes when she doesn’t talk to you, then she’s having a bad day. She would be like a bomb that’s ticking and when you touch it, it’s going to explode. Most people aren’t aware of it, but 91 to 92 percent of people are suffering from depression and anxiety. They go through nervous breakdowns and mental disorders and are shy to talk about it, even though there’s nothing to be shy about. These things are part and parcel of live and one needs to move ahead. Since she’s divorced, I’m sure she must’ve a lot of emotional breakdowns. I think when she’s in a good mood, take her out and act like you’ve a problem to share. Highlight the points of her life like your own. Tell her that you’ve a friend who sometimes snaps and you want to help her but don’t know how. That way, she wouldn’t get offended and at the same time, you’ll be shedding light on her situation. When she’ll advise you, she’ll be able to open up to you in a way that she couldn’t earlier.
If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at [email protected]