From inside an expensive salon in Defence (Karachi) you can hear the screams of a three year old hitting the walls. The mother brought her in for waxing. A party is being held for the child’s third birthday on which she will be wearing a sleeveless frock. So her arms must be waxed.The woman who recounts this story to me insists that the manager refused to have such a small child waxed. But the mother was adamant.
‘It is my child. Do as you are told. I am paying you.’ So the girls did as they were told. ‘We can’t say no or we will lose our jobs. Thank God I was busy with a pedicure that day and didn’t have to do it. I have a three year old son. Hearing that child scream and cry from across the room was unbearable. And for what? Just a silly party?’
Billion dollar industries continue to flourish today by selling women the desire to be beautiful: shampoos for long beautiful hair, creams for beautiful fair skin, cosmetics to paint yourself a beautiful face. The list of products is endless. Women want to be considered beautiful and there is nothing abnormal about this desire; the pursuit of progress is a logical inclination be it physical or psychological. But being beautiful should not be construed as an identity.
From an early age young girls come to understand beauty as a necessity. Advertisements everywhere tell them the products which must be bought to become beautiful, and hence happy. Our social norms add fuel to this fire by setting the ultimate goal of a woman’s life as marriage, the success of which is determined by her physical appearance. So they wax and scrub, they lose weight and wear make up till their intelligence and skills are no longer visible.
When from a young age all you ever hear is ‘be beautiful’, that is how you begin to define yourself. Even the most well educated women are capable of falling into the trap of measuring their self-worth by their physical appearance
The acceptable standard of a woman’s beauty is measured against the physical appearance ofmodels and actresses. Men who themselves look nothing like male models or heroes for some strange reason find it perfectly acceptable to demand a wife with Aishwarya’s eyes, Deepika’s smile and Katrina’s figure. And other women (sisters, mothers) validate such demands instead of dismissing them.
Models and film stars look very different in reality.An entire team is dedicated to making them look flawless. It is ridiculous to expect ordinary women without the same money, time and team to look like the same. Young women pursuing these unrealistic ideals end up feeling inadequate when they fail to look flawless.
Being beautiful is not an achievement.Young women must be taught to detach their self-esteem from their physical appearance. Models and actresses- the women they aspire to look like- canplay a significant role in pushing for this change by voicing their personal struggles.
Recently, renowned Pakistani model Eman Suleman posted a picture on her Instagram account with no makeup: arrows pointing to two red-white pimples, heavy dark circles under her eyes clearly visible, hair untamed. A glamorous model looking like any other ordinary woman.A beautiful womanother women could connectto without feeling inadequate.
Our society needs more young successful models and actresses like Eman Suleman to speak up against the need for physical perfection. The entertainment industry and its powerful women need to play a greater role in empowering ordinary women to love themselves beyond their physical appearance. We must tell stories which inspirewomen to value themselves for their personal strengths and capabilities-not for being married to a rich or a handsome man.
Deepika Padukone starrer Chhapaak is a prime example of such an effort being made in India. A biographical film based on the life of acid attack survivor Laxmi Agarwal, Chhapaak is the story of a woman’s courage. The film set to release in January 2020, transforms the stunning actress into an acid attack survivor. The initial poster depicts Deepika smiling against a mirror despite the visible burn scars on her face.
When from a young age all you ever hear is ‘be beautiful’, that is how you begin to define yourself. Even the most well educated women are capable offalling into the trap of measuring their self-worth by their physical appearance. The old saying goes beauty is in the eye of the holder. But perhaps it is time we move beyond the idea of constructing female identity around the notion of being beautiful altogether-even if it is beautiful in different ways. Let us be happy instead.
The writer has a Masters in media with a distinction from the London School of Economics