Dear Mathira & Rose,
My son is 11 years old and goes to a good and prestigious school. I’ve noticed a huge deterioration in his speaking skills, language and basic mannerisms. During a playdate, I noticed he’s friends with two other boys in his class, both of whom are crude in their mannerisms and have a rather awkward manner of speaking. There are well spoken boys in his class as well but these two are rather poorly spoken and I was shocked at the use of the words “tu” and “tera” and I even heard one of them say, “bandar jaisa mu”. I was aghast and couldn’t fathom the kind of boys my son is interacting with. I told my son to change his friends and he became really upset at the suggestion. I told his teacher and she said they are now grown up and she can’t forcibly separate them. What do I do?
Rose’s advice:
I believe parenting starts at home. You shouldn’t blame the teachers or the school’s atmosphere for his bad language. Sometimes, the more posh a school is, the more ill mannered its students are. They’re mostly spoilt children. I suggest that you talk to your child. He’s 11 years old and is big enough. You can’t just slap him and tell him to stay away from those boys. I’m sure he’ll understand you when you communicate with him. First of all, tell him that this language isn’t good. Then tell him that his friends are not right for him. Because you see, his teacher can’t reprimand him on hanging out with certain kind of students as I believe there’s no such rule for that. You need to explain to your child in such a way that he himself distances from those boys. Involve him in other activities. Basically, communication plays the key part here. You need to tell him that this language is filthy and good people don’t talk like that. If you talk to him politely, he’ll understand more. Adopt reverse psychology policy with him.
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Mathira’s advice:
You need to understand one thing, that when a child is growing up, keeping him away from errors, mistakes and bad people will not help him. Basically what I think, because I am a mother as well, I’ve to instil a lot of confidence in my child and help him be well-spoken enough so that even if he’s in bad company, he doesn’t pick up bad words. Being with a bad person doesn’t make you a bad person. You need to work on your son and ignore the other children. Explain to him that using words like “tu” etc is not right and he should abstain from becoming like those boys. If your son is friends with boys like those, maybe he can influence them and make them become like him. So try that as it’s really going to help. The more you stop a child from something, the more they run towards it. Don’t put him in boundaries and don’t try to control him. Let him loose but also tell him what’s bad and what’s evil or rude.
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