Dear Mathira & Rose,
I am 38 years old and twice divorced. I’m the eldest sibling and my parents spoiled me a lot, growing up. My first marriage fell apart because I was in love with someone else. He wasn’t that well off so my parents forced me to marry of their choice. I couldn’t love this guy so I demanded divorce from him less than a year of being married to him. The second time, I married that boyfriend of mine. But as my parents had warned me, we began having so many financial issues, that we were quarrelling all the time. It didn’t work out and ultimately ended in divorce. Now, I’m unmarried but have started dating this guy who is eight years younger than me. I really want to marry him and so does he, but I’m too scared. What if something went wrong this time too? I’ve already ruined my life enough. He has made his parents agree after a lot of hardships, but what if my parents threw a fit when I tell them of this new guy? He’s so much younger and has never been married before. Please help.
Rose’s advice:
Being 38 years of age, I think by now you should’ve learnt from your mistakes. Relationships only work if you want them to work. The fact that you were spoilt as a child and got whatever you wanted is playing a role here. You still have that in you. You want what you like at any cost, despite it being good or bad for you. You still have that stubbornness inside you because your parents provided you with everything. This is wrong. Children should never get whatever they want because then they don’t realise what’s harmful and what’s not. I think you need to slow down. You’ve only known him for a year and I think you should get to know him better before rushing into something big and telling this to your parents, because I think even your parents have now been through a lot because of this. Just let them know that you’re seeing someone you like. I don’t think you should announce your love for this new guy to your parents just yet. It’s only been a year. You need to give him more time and you need to see if he’s the guy you want. Age is again, just a number. I’ve seen many couples in which the guy is a lot younger than the girl and it seems to be working out just fine for them and even vice versa. No relationship is perfect. Even Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan must be having problems. The thing is that when you have problems, you need to sit down and figure out a solution for it. A couple needs to work as a team and solve their issues. Women tend to over think a lot and over react. I do that too. If he makes you happy, keep dating him but don’t jump to conclusions about what you want.
If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at [email protected]
Mathira’s advice:
It’s okay to be divorced and it’s okay if things don’t work out. Being flawed doesn’t mean that the world has ended. Being divorced is not a big deal. Yes, you’ve made some mistakes and I hope that you’ve learned from them. This boy is young and I want you to remember one thing that as you grow up, you mature with age. The way you see things now, they might change but that’s what you call luck. If you’re both ready to marry each other, then go ahead and get married. There’s no harm in doing it again. I wish you the best and I hope it works out. Stay positive and stay true. Even if it doesn’t work, it’s okay. At least, you tried. Never regret anything in life. Try everything so you wouldn’t have to think ‘what if’. Maybe this guy is the guy for you. So what? Age is just a number. Five years, eight years, 20 years, age is just a number. The guy has to be mentally mature. Also, if your parents have spoilt you, try to become the person who saves her marriage. If you’re from an upper class family, try to behave middle class. You’ll do much better and it’ll help you.
If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at [email protected]