As I complete three decades of the professional journey (a nomadic one) and 5.5 decades of my existence on this earth as per the standard construal of time, I do wonder more intensely what have I accomplished in terms of contributions towards my country, and society and communities of the disadvantaged guised as income poor people, nonconformist thinkers, creative souls and people with different gender, social and other identities?
Whether I remained focused on developing a state-of-the-art resume or CV guaranteeing instant success in the job industry or taking the road less travelled that leads to a legacy? This question falls under that zone of queries that are either never answered or answered in a timeless time. In other words, finding an answer to this question should not be my primary concern. Perhaps, a better exercise could be to share some insights with my peers (just to check if they could resonate with it or if am I the outlier?).
This idea or desire itself breaks the myth that a person, especially a woman, in Pakistan bearing not only (biologically granted) diseases but (culturally constructed) greater burden of honour, stigmas, responsibilities, and ageism as well as have to act maturely aka superwoman, or a living being with no emotions and margin of errors. I reject this popular wisdom and insist all do the same.
In the age of AI, the relevance of soft skills has become even greater.
What happens when one becomes an empath who has forgiven all those who wronged oneself, destroy careers, repeatedly created obstacles in getting any decent paid work, bullied and harassed subtly and openly, and devastated emotionally and financially, and above all managed to inflict irreparable losses? Certainly, there would be no or least capacity to collaborate with others in the deceitful world. And, here arrives another complex and contradictory lesson. Do work with others. Building professional relationships and using them in the best interest of one’s cause is a set of skills that I try to polish daily. In the age of AI, the relevance of certain soft skills has become even greater. According to research by Kandace Miller, who is a Forbes Communications Council Member artificial intelligence is impracticable to ever replace the powers to build relationships with candidates and measure candidates’ interpersonal skills. My relatively recent lesson from life is that for all seasoned professionals who are mentors at heart, it is mandatory to have a better and updated version of themselves, using the upgraded skills for the bigger purpose of building the lives of many aspiring leaders and influencers.
Many who have witnessed my journey perceive me as privileged and exceptionally fortunate. While I do not contest their judgments, I want to acknowledge that they have never walked in my shoes, and apart from Allah, there are only a handful of people who truly comprehend the adversities against which I have not only survived but thrived. The truth is rarely revealed, and what appears obvious may not necessarily be the whole or accurate truth. Hence, it is crucial to approach life with a nonjudgmental attitude and practice empathy (distinguishing it from sympathy) in all aspects. This requires courage and a genuine desire to transform oneself. Embrace it nonetheless, as it magically renders life, with all its hardships, bearable and even beautiful. This is the most profound lesson I learned early in my career from the University of Life.
The value of forgiveness is not a secret, but few truly understand the complexity of discerning between forgiveness, surrender, and forgetfulness. Furthermore, it is a mathematical and methodological challenge to move forward with an empty heart, devoid of resentment, while retaining the lessons learned from undesirable experiences. Perhaps that is why most of us navigate life with superficial or symptomatic relief from pain at personal and professional levels, never authentically experiencing healing. An instrumental lesson that life has taught me is the pursuit of healing. I sought it in different places and from various individuals, even spending money along the way. Ultimately, I discovered that true healing emanates from within. It occurs when one develops the strength to confront their wounds, understand their origins, and make the conscious choice to either restore or amputate those parts.
We are living in the realm of media hype and funded ventures driven by the push of the class and the pull of strategic networking. To continue to remain an awakened dreamer for social equity and challenging ostracism in rights-based activism, public policy advocacy, and popular but hollow versions of entrepreneurship through genuine social entrepreneurship, remains my aim even at this age and phase of life. This is not a magical mantra, but this is what I know and am adhered to. Lives of great and celebrated mentors like I A Rehman Saheb and unsung Pakistani women educationists like late Madame, Afroze Begum, Dr Wania, Madame Surriya Shuja Qazi, and writers like Mumtaz Shireen and polymaths like Dr Rashida Jahan to name a few taught me to remain passion-driven. Not undermining the charisma of today’s star feminists, activists, and calibre of social development, human rights, and literary conferences, I could not help but ponder the awareness among seemingly well-educated individuals, both young and middle-aged, regarding these names and their willingness to shine a spotlight on their impactful work and its relevance in today’s media buzz and funded feminist projects. Reverting to the “lessons learned” theme of this OP-ED, the lesson I drew is that focus on your work and perform best even when there is no audience and camera. In essence work for a cause, not applause.
The writer tweets @Apna_Wallet and can be reached at founderkafekaam@gmail.com.