For many years my first column of the New Year in this newspaper was about my predictions for the year coming up. But then I stopped doing that. The reason was that some ‘learned’ and well-researched papers were published in the US demonstrating that political predictions made by pundits of the press were true only by chance. Nevertheless, I have decided to embark upon this endeavour once again. My predictions will be mostly about politics and occasionally about other things. At the beginning of the next year I will go over my previous predictions to see how many of them were correct. If a majority of them are correct, that would suggest one of two things: either I am good at predictions or else I have predicted stuff that was obviously going to be correct. So, here we go. First and most importantly, I predict that Mian Nawaz Sharif will continue as Prime Minister (PM) of Pakistan through this year and that he will not change anything in the way he governs. He will spend more days in foreign countries, especially the UK — his beloved London — than the number of days he will spend visiting the National Assembly (NA). And while he is in Davos, I predict that he will make as great an impact as he made when he attended the climate summit in Paris. I can also predict that during this year he will put on more weight as he feels more politically secure while losing some more of the hair on his head. However, it is possible that if he puts on too much weight it could be because he is feeling insecure. About Mian Shahbaz Sharif, the Chief Minister (CM) of Punjab, I can safely predict that he will remain the CM as long as he and the province of Punjab exist. For this year at least, Lahore’s traffic will continue to be a mess due to the train tracks and flyways being built across the city. I can also predict that by the end of this year the CM will surprise his Chinese visitors and address them in perfect Mandarin. And I also predict that the CM will continue to talk about health and education but will ignore them as his political priorities for one more year. As far as the CMs of the other provinces are concerned, I predict that the Shah of Sindh will compete vigorously with the great Khan concerning the amount of black hair dye (and moustache dye) the CM uses. Other than that he will continue to follow orders. The CM of the north at the present rate of physical diminution will weigh at least as much less at the end of the year as the PM will weigh more. As far as the CM of our largest province is concerned, I have no idea what he does or what is expected of him so I am in no position to make any predictions about him except that he will remain as obscure as he is at this time. Now to the only complicated set of predictions. I predict that General Raheel Sharif will retire from his position as the Chief of Army Staff (COAS) at the end of his term. He will neither ask for nor will he be offered an extension. However, before he leaves, he will extend the army’s anti-terrorism operation into Punjab. Concerning the great Khan, I can safely predict that he will continue to remain unmarried this year, he will not become the PM this year and he will continue to dye his hair jet black. Concerning his political agenda, it is going to be entirely unpredictable once he runs out of election irregularities to complain about. As far as his political party is concerned, it will, in my opinion, survive not because of him but rather in spite of him. Concerning the co-chairs of the once truly national political party, the young chairman will continue to wander around looking for the lost glory and the lost support his party once had, especially in Punjab. The older chair is in the US getting his health looked into. He is preparing for any problems he might face concerning jail or hospital if he ever returns to Pakistan. About lesser luminaries, our minister of the perpetual hair will keep the same hair. His relationship with his hair is the same as described above for the CM of Punjab and his province. As far as our minister of the perpetual frown is concerned, with electricity disappearing for longer periods of time each day, it gives him no reason to stop frowning. Concerning our minister of the stubble, clearly he will push Pakistan closer to the state of Greek indebtedness that preceded the Greek economic collapse. As far as the ‘Economic Corridor’ is concerned, it will continue to be built without any regard for the opinions of the smaller parties. The ruling parties in the north and the south will predictably be bought out. Certain social issues need to be addressed. First is that of skinny jeans. I predict that by the end of this year skinny jeans will lose popularity. Bell bottoms, not yet. Other than that I predict that nothing of social significance is going to happen and, no, Obaid-Chinoy is not going to win another Oscar and honour killing is not going to be outlawed in Pakistan either. As far as cricket is concerned, I believe that we will have a record not too different from last year. However, I do predict that by the end of this year the two captains, that of the longest and the shortest forms of the game, will retire. As far as the National Action Plan (NAP) and the operations being carried out under its auspices are concerned, they will eventually have to involve Punjab. If and when that happens, I predict that everything will become unpredictable. The author is a former editor of the Journal of Association of Pakistani descent Physicians of North America (APPNA)