“A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business” — Henry Ford. Welcome to another edition of nothing; however, recall that in earlier editions it was mathematically demonstrated that nothing is equal to everything and anything. The greatest challenge when writing about nothing is igniting the expanse of the imagination to dream up something from nothing. Having chosen to abstain from commenting on political scandals and controversies is a further complication, since an infinite amount of nothing is eliminated. Politics is defined as the biggest nothing invented by the ruling class to govern the ruled class. Confronted with this truism, the expressions of the ruled class are absolutely priceless. The ‘one vote’ is the biggest ego massager invented in the history of mankind, again by the ruling class. Getting back to the discourse, let’s throw the gauntlet: can nothing be created out of anything? For instance, how much of nothing can be articulated from the abovementioned quote of Henry Ford? Most readers will be aware that Ford was an American industrialist who invented the automobile assembly line and will generally associate him with the Model T automobile. What is not common knowledge is that Ford was extremely anti-Semitic and was an avid fan of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. He also published a book called The International Jew, which earned him a medal and a special mention, the only American to have that particular distinction, in Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. That which is etched in past chronicles cannot be erased by mere mortals as much as they would desire to do so, but perhaps his anti-Semitism is the reason Hollywood never perceived Ford as a role model or subject matter for any movie. On a different note, as they say, baat say baat nikalti hai (one thing leads to another) and have a samosa, the author has changed the search engine to Yahoo. If the world’s biggest search engine is insensitive about religious sentiments and refuses to remove the anti-Islam movie from YouTube, the Muslim world should completely boycott Google. Surprisingly, the bastions of civic society or the electronic media have not yet latched on to the simplest but most effective method to register protests — hit them where it hurts, in the pocket. Ever hear of the silent customer who never complains and simply walks away but is responsible for the booming success of ‘The Graveyard of Businesses’? The thing is that this silent complainer is one part of a huge social network — virtual and real — and a business that makes absolutely nothing, not even money, is not just poor, it is simply dead. To coin a fresh conspiracy, which really means nothing since the sum total of all conspiracies not supported by hard evidence is in any case nothing, the Theory of Free Markets and the necessity for free world trade was conceived by western businesses to gain access to eastern markets and petrodollars. For a while, everything was hunky dory, but as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Divine intervention thwarted the nefarious plot; the plotters turned lazy and greedy choosing the service sector for themselves, which although was more suited for the bourgeoisie to undertake, also solely catered to the bourgeoisie and produced essentially nothing, and relocated all manufacturing, for which they felt the proletariat were better suited, to the east. Now that the tide has turned and the west is not making much money, the very services that caused the collapse are being packaged and marketed eastwards. Only time will judge whether the east learnt the right lessons from history. Unrelated conspiracies are always entertaining but are quite painful when the shoe is on the other foot. Thankfully, Pakistan seems to have overcome the extremely unpleasant betting in cricket episode; is not winning delightful? Kudos Umar Gul! By the time this article is published, Pakistan’s second Super Eight match will have been played; here is hoping and praying that the nation is still grinning from ear to ear. Amen. Irrespective, what was most amusing were the news updates after the massacre carried out by the Aussies in Friday’s second Super Eight match; according to one channel, it was an ibrat nak (shameful) loss. Foreigners residing in Pakistan must have been quite surprised to observe that the celebrations for someone else’s loss far exceeded those after Pakistan’s victory. Food for thought for the supporters of Aman ki Asha! Getting back to the discussion, why would someone like Ford, who himself excelled in making money, link such a pursuit with poor business? After all, money enhances the ability to buy everything else, even happiness; all else being equal, more money is definitely better. Recall the movie The Pursuit of Happiness. What else was Will Smith doing except pursuing money in the garb of the pursuit of happiness? Until someone invents a time machine, the luxury of directly inquiring from Ford his intent in this regard will remain elusive; additionally, even the most farfetched conjecture can hardly be disputed. For instance, does not a Central Bank make money? Printing and making money can be construed to be one and the same thing. One of the biggest mysteries of modern history is how easily the world population has been suckered into believing that coloured paper with pictures and watermarks represents wealth; at least in the case of gold, it could not be destroyed and it even shone and looked pretty. Paper is simply paper. It might serve the purpose of legal tender but it has no intrinsic value. There was a time when currency could be traded in for gold, which perhaps a few old timers might be able to recall. Today, however, if anyone went to the State Bank of Pakistan to ask for a currency to gold swap, they would probably assume it was a media ploy under candid camera! Serendipitously, making a ‘nothing’ prediction: considering the financial disasters, from sub-prime to Euro Debt and LIBOR, and observing the increasing trend of import tariffs, one fine morning, in the very near future, an exporter is going to ask for his payment to be made in gold. Back to the gold standard. If a craving for a samosa has occurred in real terms by now, readers are requested to kindly send an email to the author while browsing the internet for enlightenment on the aforementioned ‘protocols’; this could be a money making opportunity for the publisher. It would also be interesting to get some feedback on this continuing discourse on nothing. Wonder whether newspapers have a rating system. However, to quickly conclude the conjecture on the business of Central Banking, only making money and remaining inactive on other economic matters is poor business. More on this some other time, perhaps. This write up has consumed its allotted space and the analysis of the quotation has not yet even commenced in earnest. Hence, it is proven that anything can be extracted from nothing! “Golf is a game to teach you about the messages from within, about the subtle voices of the body-mind. And once you understand them you can more clearly see your ‘hamartia’, the ways in which your approach to the game reflects your entire life. Nowhere does a man go so naked” — Michael Murphy (author of Golf in the Kingdom). Cheers! The writer is a chartered accountant based in Islamabad. He can be reached at syed.bakhtiyarkazmi@gmail.comand on Twitter @LeAccountant