One of Pakistan’s most prominent and controversial social media star, known for making and posting provocative videos online, was strangled by her brother in Multan in what local law-enforcement agencies are calling an “honour killing.” As soon as I heard the news on the morning on July 16, my mind went numb. I refused to switch on the TV or read anything on the social media because I already knew that many people on my timeline and newsfeed would be justifying the brutal murder of a young woman. “She was asking for it”, “She was a disgrace to Pakistan and Islam,” “She didn’t deserve to die like this BUT…” These are comments that one hears a bit too often in a conservative patriarchal society like ours. Unfortunately, as much as one would like to, one can’t run away or even ignore the sick mindset that is prevalent in our society — a mindset that justifies rape, a mindset that justifies murder, and a mindset that even justifies children being sexually abused. We as a society can’t unequivocally condemn a heinous crime without adding qualifiers. We called Malala Yousafzai a “drama” when she was shot in the face; we made excuses when Sabeen Mahmud was shot dead; and we even refused to believe that hundreds of young boys were repeatedly raped in Kasur saying it was a conspiracy to defame us. So it was no surprise when barely an hour after news of Qandeel’s death spread, there was an outcry on social media with tweets and posts of educated people saying she didn’t deserve to die but she was a “provocateur,” “not a role model,” “she should have been careful.” How does ANY of this even matter? She was murdered in cold blood because we as a society can’t tolerate anyone who dares to challenge the norm, especially an independent strong woman who is proud of her womanhood, her sexuality and is not afraid to show it. Qandeel’s drug addict brother might be the one who squeezed the life out of her, but we as a society are to be blamed as much for her murder. All those who liked her page, watched her videos multiple times but abused her in the comment section — with stuff like “You should be shot dead,” “You are a wh**e/bi**h who doesn’t deserve to live in this ‘Islamic’ country,” “You are a shameless woman who deserves to be buried alive” and many more such comments — you are all to be blamed too for her murder. Thousands of people liked her page, followed her on twitter, saw all her TV interviews, and yet also gave her death threats and abused her. Our “free” and “independent” media who only care about ratings is equally responsible for her death. Qandeel came in the limelight as Qandeel Baloch, not as Fauzia Azeem, which was her real name. But our media in their thirst to get the highest ratings and breaking news don’t really care how lives are affected in their rat race. They revealed her name; they revealed her address; and they revealed that she was once married. They interviewed her ex-husband, and pictures of her minor son were shown on every TV channel, and once they had revealed her personal details, her family came in the spotlight as well. When she was not using her real name and identity her life choices weren’t being connected to the family. Their “honour” wasn’t being questioned. But when anchors and journalists constantly called her on their shows along with religious clerics, it was maybe then that her family also started feeling threatened. It is said that the neighbourhood in Multan where Qandeel’s family lived started taunting the family, and her brother when they found out who Qandeel was. Not even a day had passed since Qandeel’s murder and the media started inviting analysts and journalists on their shows to spew hatred against a dead woman. Qandeel Baloch was an entertainer, an artist. I used to laugh at her “craziness,” but I also admired her for her courage, and for not caring even one bit what people might think of her. She came from a poor, uneducated background; she was forcefully married off to an abusive man; she left the marriage, struggled day and night to meet ends meet; and then learned to stand on her own two feet to not only support herself but support her family as well. In her own words, “I married my sister off, I gave jahaiz (dowry) for her wedding, I tried to keep relations going with my family, I bought a house for them in Multan. My parents are settled in Multan, my house is there. Today I am capable of taking on the burden of an entire household. But no one gives me credit for that.” Qandeel might be a lot of things but she wasn’t a hypocrite, and she didn’t follow any traditional Pakistani rules. She blurred the line between one’s public image and private image. She was who she was and didn’t pretend otherwise, and maybe that is why most of us — women and men alike — were threatened by her. The “honour” of men doesn’t lie in a woman’s body, a body that doesn’t even belong to you in the first place. Who even gave men the permission to use our bodies for their “ghairat”? (honour) Rest in Peace, Qandeel. As someone tweeted, “You haven’t gone to hell, you just left it.” The writer is the former CEO of Children’s Literature Festival, and a concerned citizen with an interest in social issues. She can be reached on Twitter @Mahamali05