Living in a country where the populace relishes a new conspiracy every day, and media efficiently and regularly delivers, one would imagine to have heard them all; however, the conviction that a conspiracy could no more astonish or flabbergast was tested recently. In comparison, even the conspiracy that the Americans never landed on the moon, which conspiracy is supported by logic that remarkably manages to create reasonable doubt, seems minuscule. For the record, as reported by The Economist, the Federal Aviation Administration of America has just approved a request by a private entity to launch the moon express by 2017. So all domestic property speculators are advised to start saving up for the upcoming biggest probable swindle of the century; imagine the mileage the elitist’s ego will get from the thought of owning a plot on the moon! But, hold your horses; that was not it. What really blew all semblance of sensibility was an article I came across on the netvine — perhaps a better word than grapevine in current times — which asserted that we have been lied to about Hiroshima. Considering that the masses are lied to about most everything even this may not be farfetched. Dear readers, rest assured, joking about unparalleled tragedies is not, and can never be for that matter an attempt to improve ratings, if there are ratings for columnists in the first place. Nonetheless, the article actually asserted that the Hiroshima narrative is a lie, and went on to refer dozens of links which, it claimed identified events that proved that whatever was dropped did not have the immediate destructive impact that is portrayed. Seriously, Pakistan invested in fake bombs? A good question at this point would be, why waste space writing about what appears to be absolute rubbish? Well, unfortunately, rubbish seems to be what piques the interest of the ruled, and the rulers seem to have understood this fact of life and use it to the optimum, with relish. However, as always, the taste of the pudding is obviously in the eating, so let’s sit down to eat. Lately, PEMRA banned a news show because its anchor had hatched a conspiracy theory relating to the abduction of the son of the Sindh High Court Chief Justice. Irrespective of the merits and demerits of PEMRA’s action and without debating reality or fantasy, the essence of the matter is that the said anchor apparently has sufficient following for a mainstream channel to give him primetime slot in the first place. What should therefore be startling is not what is said but the fact that there are those out there, in large numbers if not a significant majority, who actually follow and believe all these plots and related convoluted theories. Accordingly, when celebrity anchors propagate theories, which in certain cases have verged on insanity, they are simply catering to what the market demands; hence there probably now is a conspiracy theory explaining PEMRA’s actions. These are then the benefits or not of a free market and freedom of speech. On a personal note — with due apologies to the supporters of freedom of speech according to whom PEMRA’s action have seriously impeached upon their precious freedom that was very valiantly nabbed from the jaws of a dictatorship, which narrative is in itself rather amusing — unbridled freedom has it downside of which the least harmful perhaps is suffering the wisdom of the unwise who are always loudly passionate about their convictions. Contrarily and unfortunately the wise are extremely boring people. Sitting down in front of the idiot box after a hard day at work, most of us would rather opt for a showman and his antics rather than a scientist explaining the theory of relativity. Noam Chomsky’s observation, “It is important to bear in mind that political campaigns are designed by the same people who sell toothpaste and cars”, says a lot. Bernie Sanders was proposing to tax the rich and make college education free, which should logically have earned him the support of every American, except the rich; except that he was not a showman, he just could not sell his message to the masses. Contrarily, the promise to compete for the Guinness record for the biggest wall ever built resulted in a Republican nomination, and probably might even deliver the presidency. And are we any different? For the last many months, the hot and one of the most popular topics for debates and breaking news is related to the model that was caught at the airport with a bag full of dollars. Just a week ago, a senior minister and a senior opposition leader were publicly making and refuting allegations relating to that particular scandal, and all of us were lapping it up. And have you heard the rumour that Panama’s government is quite perturbed by the bad publicity their good name is being subjected to, even internationally, by Pakistan media? Reliable sources assert on the basis of credible information, which can mean anything including pure fabrication, that Panama accordingly may be considering legal action, insisting that Pakistan strike out “Panama” when referring to the leaks. The last sentence made no sense but I am sure everyone found it amusing. And finally, for some reason the entire nation is obsessed with the next choice of the army chief; it’s a wonder that bookies haven’t started taking bets on that. There is a complete disconnect. If an alien was to scan the news talk shows and headlines in Pakistan, barring unfortunate tragedies, the likely conclusion may very well be that we are a nation obsessed with gossip since we have nothing else to worry about. At this stage I must confess to being a true Pakistani as well; without believing a word that is said and knowing that the conclusion at the end of talk show is always a big fat nothing, I have sat through them and admit to having found the ones that were more fantastic in terms of spinning a yarn to be even more entertaining while, remarkably, being completely uninformative. And by the way, if everyone hasn’t picked it up yet, that is also the basic premise of today’s write-up — spin a yarn with no conclusion. So have I succumbed to the allure of ratings too? Well, look at this way; the original idea for today’s write-up was to touch upon perils of globalisation, especially for a developing country like Pakistan, which can never compete with big capital. Unchecked, this huge pool of freely moving capital can massacre local socio-political structures, buy local assets cheap, and all in all destabilise the local economy. On the other hand, technology breakthroughs continue to limit the economic benefits of globalisation for developed nations like the United States, which trend if it continues might reduce their interest in stabilising global hotspots like the region we are situated in. Now take a bet that everyone reading this brief outline was probably nodding uninterestedly and thinking whatever, while simultaneously taking a mental note to, at the earliest, Google the fresh Hiroshima controversy! Accordingly, it is tempting to do as the Romans do. Except for the realisation that in uncertain security and economic situations, people are desperate to know and believe, and while entertaining them might work for some time, long-term the nation will become utterly disconnected with the realities, if it already isn’t. If the carnival is to stop, the intelligentsia has to direct the debates. And in this spirit, next week, this column will take up the serious matter of the Coming Invasion! The writer is a chartered accountant based in Islamabad, and can be reached at syed.bakhtiyarkazmi@gmail.com