Death is the only promise life makes to us; nothing else is guaranteed but our inevitable end. This awareness of our limited time on earth can often cause anxiety in regular folks, propelling them to search for answers about life after death, their own significance in the matters of the universe, and the reality of God. The inner turmoil can often set in motion a spiritual journey one had never envisioned participating in earlier. Junaid Jamshed’s transformation from a pop star to a spiritual leader was the result of an inner bechaini(angst) that he became answerable to instead of simply shutting it out. That, it coincided with the creation of the super successful J. enterprise, is proof that he kept both his deen and dunya in balance and did not just go meditating in the mountains, cutting himself from the world. We, fans of his music, followers of his strand of Islam or simply viewers of the Ramzan transmission, were all witness to this man’s graph full of ups and downs, and watched the vulnerable metamorphosis in phases. Unlike other celebs who strive hard to maintain an old image, Junaid’s journey was out in the open for us to consume, and that is why his loss has hit many hard. Following the news of the plane crash, Pakistanis reported feeling grief as if they’ve lost one of their own. People made calls to each other to discuss him and exclaimed ‘yeh kya hogaya yaar’. It is my belief that most individuals in their lifetime have questioned the existence of God and the meaning of life, even if it’s done in the privacy of their room. From time to time, the greatest minds have also wondered and debated whether God is a creation of man himself and not the other way round. Some found their answers in religion and others went thirsty for longer periods without finding a soothing reply. Each spiritual journey is as unique as the individual; there are no right or wrong ways of embarking on it. A lot of the universal truth is masked from us; no one ever came back from the dead to tell us what it’s like on the other side, so people ponder. In reality, sensitive and emotionally aware people tend to have their good and bad days with divinity. Haven’t we all heard a loved one stating that God just doesn’t love them and has forgotten about them? We also know of self-proclaimed agnostics that pick up prayers beads when their loved one is admitted to the hospital. In the spiritual realm, it is ok to be assured and equally ok to be searching as well — there are no hard and fast rules in roohaniyat (spirituality). Junaid Jamshed had revealed in a TV programme that after riding the wave of feverish success of Vital Signs, he faced monetary issues. Work was scarce as VS was disintegrating and public interest in the boy band was waning. Things had gotten so bad that he was contemplating selling his car to make ends meet. Desperate for answers and sitting helpless inside a masjid, his new refuge, Junaid closed his eyes and started communicating with the creator. As tears rolled on his cheek one by one, he pleaded Allah to retain his honour. He had been reduced to a state of almost-penury and wondered what future held for him and his family for whom he was responsible. Junaid went on to narrate that the moment he got out of his trance-like state of begging the Almighty for help, a man in the masjid approached him. After inquiring about Junaid’s wellbeing, the man handed him his visiting card and asked the Vital Signs singer to become a partner in his company. This was the beginning of J., which now has more than 50 outlets in Pakistan and overseas, and is a leading name in fashion. This may sound filmi to naysayers but there are no coincidences in life; everything and everyone is sent at the right time to meet our needs. Perhaps this rescue from bankruptcy elevated Junaid Jamshed’s belief in Allah and his mysterious ways, but for the next five years, he went back and forth on turning a tableeghi(missionary). He would keep a beard and shave it all off, grow some facial hair and then clean it up and so and so forth. It must’ve been hard for a man, revered by so many females for his dashing looks, to accept his new look and make the transition out of his comfort zone. Confusion is an essential part of any transformation, so turning from modern to mullah or going from mullah to modern or even playing peekaboo with spirituality are all valid human responses — as long as they stem from within. Junaid, in his short life, excelled in whatever he dabbled in, be it singing, business or spiritual leadership. He made an impact on people’s minds and hearts. He was not without flaws but then which human being is? Later on, he would fall victim to people’s excessive mullah-bashing; internet-atheists and twitter feminists regularly berated him. They even took his light hearted jabs seriously and crucified him at most junctions. Perhaps the physical change in him and the range of topics he spoke on was hard to fathom for some but the man lived his life convinced about his new reality. Junaid has been quoted as saying that when he travelled the world as a singer and stayed at the best of hotels, performed at the biggest of auditoriums, he still slept each night without experiencing sukoon(comfort). The best night’s sleep came to him when he established a link with the maker and handed over all his problems to Him. The writer is a freelance columnist with a degree in Cultural Studies and a passion for social observation, especially all things South Asian. She tweets @chainacoffeemug