Cristiano Ronaldo — by now you’ve probably been horrified by the hilariously sorry excuse of a Cristiano Ronaldo statue recently unveiled at a Portugal airport renamed in his honour. Sadly, the bizarre effigy bears a more striking resemblance to Sloth from The Goonies than the futbol icon, and as a result has achieved worldwide viral infamy. The bust’s creator, Emanuel Santos, tried to defend it saying, “It is impossible to please the Greeks and Trojans,” but there’s really nothing good about that thing.
David Beckham — whoever created this David Beckham that popped up around New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco in 2012 must have also been inspired by Fantastic Four’s Silver Surfer. However, we must give credit where credit is due and applaud the fact that Beckham is depicted not in a soccer jersey here, but rather just a pair of tighty-whities. It’s a detail that’s probably due to the fact that the whole thing was part of a 2012 ad campaign for H&M underwear.
Andy Murray — players who reign supreme in tennis are typically showered with trophies and medals, but there’s a tradition in place at China’s Shanghai Rolex Masters where champions are bequeathed with something a tad different: a terracotta statue of themselves. Tennis superstar Andy Murray learned about this prize the hard way when he ‘won’ the competition in 2010 and was given a figure that looks more like one of America’s founding fathers rather than Murray himself. With a Revolutionary War-era hairdo and dramatic scowl, Murray was probably wishing they just put a medal around his neck and called it a day.
Walter Johnson — one has to assume that whoever created this statue of old time Washington Senators ballplayer Walter Johnson meant for it to be displayed in some sort of twisted baseball-themed haunted house. The initial idea was to depict Johnson “in motion,” but the resulting mess makes the famed right-handed pitcher resemble a demon freshly released from the bowels of hell. Don’t take our word for it: Johnson’s grandson and official biographer Henry Thomas called the statue “hideous,” “ridiculous,” “not even close” and “awkward.” Oh, and: “His delivery point is all wrong. His legs are too stiff. The ‘W’ on his uniform is too big.” Tell us how you really feel, Henry.
Wayne Gretzky — he’s universally known as The Great One, but this statue of Wayne Gretzky has him looking more like one of the pilgrims who celebrated the first Thanksgiving than that of the hockey giant. Designed by sculptor John Weaver and bronzesmith Don Begg at Studio West in Cochrane, Alberta, the statue weights nearly 1000 lbs. and stands over nine feet. It depicts Gretzky holding a Stanley Cup and wearing a blank jersey, which as a result comes across looking more like a burlap sack.