Daily Times

Dear Mathira and Rose

I am sick of my stepfather’s behaviour. He and my mom got married a couple of years ago after my dad passed and he has been nothing but emotionally abusive to my mother, me and my little sister. He’s extremely passive aggressive and over the years ‘let’s clean the house before your father gets here’ has become a common phrase that comes out of my mother’s mouth on the daily. If there’s the slightest thing that my stepfather doesn’t like, he begins to shout and has even hit my mother a couple of times. He’s been an addict for years as well and continuously drinks even when he’s home. I’m 23 now and really want to leave this house because I can’t take my stepfathers behaviour any longer but I also don’t want to leave my mom and sister behind. My mom won’t leave him because she’s already lost one husband but being in this house is driving me mad. Please tell me what I should do in this situation?

Regards,

Stepchild

Mathira’s Advice:

You need to give your mother courage as living alone is okay. She doesn’t need a man in her life. It’s not compulsory to have one in your life. It’s like if you’re thirsty, you’re not going to drink poison just to quench your thirst. No, this isn’t how it is. Darling, all I’m going to say is look after your sister. Your mother doesn’t understand this, but you’ve to be a shield for her. Your sister is young. You’ve to stick together. Be there for each other and I think you should look for a job. Become independent so at least when you’ve enough money, you can move out. Maybe your mom’s not leaving him because she’s financially unstable and she doesn’t know how she’s going to deal with you. It happens. Sometimes, finances silence a woman and she deals with a lot of nonsense she’s not supposed to deal with. So that’s pretty much wrong. When he’s drunk, don’t go in front of him. Whatever it is, let your mother deal with it and don’t go in front of him. You and your sister need to be safe. Try to get work and go out so that you can stay more outside. Do remember one thing and this is for everyone that if you’re thirsty, you don’t have to drink poison. If you’re in a bad relationship, you’d rather not have the relationship. That’s it. You don’t need to carry your crown of the relationship although it’s killing you and eating you from inside. When you have children, a mother should know that kids come first before anything. So your mother’s being selfish and only trying to focus on herself.

If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira

Rose’s Advice:

Being in an abusive home has taken an emotional toll on you and your little sister. My advice will be to sit down with your mom and explain to her the impact the situation is having on yours and your sister’s mind. Your mom isn’t wanting to leave him because she’s in this toxic relationship and she’s addicted to it. She’s sort of used to it. She thinks this is normal. I would suggest you try to talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel and that you can’t live there anymore. I would advise you not to stay in that house and get more emotionally depressed because of your stepdad. If you’re deciding on leaving, then please take your little sister with you because it’ll be unfair to leave her alone in this situation. If he’s being physically abusive and your mom doesn’t want to seek any help, then maybe involve an elder. If you guys will not be around, what if he harms her in a bad way? My advice would be of course look out for yourself. Move out. Tell your mom to go with you. Convince her to leave him. People go through several bad marriages. It’s not going to be the end of the world. If already he’s physically abusive and tomorrow, he harms her in a pretty bad way, then you’d end up blaming yourself. You’ll regret it. Try your best to take her out of this marriage. Involve someone from the family. However, if she doesn’t budge and still wants to stick around and be in this toxic relationship, then I’d suggest you move out with your sister.

If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777