Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am a 24-year-old girl and I’ve just gotten done with my MPhil from a very reputable university. My father’s a very successful doctor and both my parents have raised us with everything we desired. The trouble is that all my life, I’ve had a very sheltered upbringing. I’ve never sat on a rickshaw like other girls or had street food for fun, etc. I don’t want to complain but I’ve always envied my friends who’ve not been that well off. They’re so carefree and street smart. And now, my parents have gotten me engaged to this dentist, who my father chose for me himself. He’s a great guy but I don’t want to marry him and have everything decided for me once again and this time for the rest of my life. I want to go abroad, study some more, get a job there, live freely, etc. My wedding dates are being decided but all I want to do is run away. Help

Rose’s advice:

The word best suited to describe you is Papa’s Princess. By the Grace of Allah, you have everything at your disposal and are truly blessed to have such wonderful parents. They gave you everything you desired. You didn’t have to suffer by commuting via public transport or worry about your university fee. So if you’re pointing out the negatives, let me point out the positives. There are so many people out there who are struggling. They have to run their house, manage their studies and balance out their social lives. If you haven’t had street food or have never sat in a rickshaw, it’s not like you can’t do it now. It’s not like your parents will never allow you to do that. If you tell them you want to have bun kebab, they’ll take you for one. Also, sitting in a rickshaw isn’t a big deal. No one commutes via rickshaw these days anyway. There’s Careem for that which is so available and so convenient. By the Grace of Allah, you’ve had a very blessed upbringing. Many people haven’t had upbringing like this as their parents can’t afford to give them everything that they desire. This includes education and everything. As far as your life partner is concerned, this is part of our culture. In our society, parents are the ones who get to choose and arrange our marriage. You can sit with your parents and tell them that you don’t have any problem in getting married, but you do have a problem in getting married right away.

Mathira’s advice:

You should say Shukar Alhamdulilah. Always be happy and thankful for what you have. If you have any issue, why don’t you take a stroll and take a look at the women on the roads, the stray children and the house maids, then take a look at your own self and say, “Thank you.” I believe people are not happy when they’re rich, they’re unhappy when they’re poor, they’re unhappy when they’re in a relationship, they’re unhappy driving an old car and they’re not happy driving a new car. This is because happiness can’t be derived from material things, as it’s within us. It’s how we choose to be happy. We can’t find happiness in things, situations, places and in people. Running away is a super bad habit. Only cowards run away. Every person that comes in your life is either a lesson or a blessing. These lessons will train you for a better future. Always remember that your parents do good for you. Going against them is stupid. Thinking that your friends are better off and then running away with that thought is ridiculous. Think about what people would do to get what you have right now. Consider yourself lucky. Stop whining and learn to appreciate what you have. Your parents have made you what you are right now. Your fiancé could turn out to be the love of your life. Don’t even think about eloping.