Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am a 30-year-old girl and I’ve four sisters. My father passed away last year. I’m very hurt because my mother doesn’t give me the same kind of love she gives my other sisters. She takes care of their clothes, their needs and other things. Three of them are married and one is single like me. She would go out of her way to make them comfortable but never does anything for me. I love her more than my other siblings do. I bought her a phone on her last birthday. I cook for her and buy her presents. But she never sees that. I mentioned this discrimination to her but she began scolding me. I’ve started feeling very lonely and miss my father. What do I do?

Rose’s advice:

All parents love their kids. They love them on different levels but the love is there. A mother would still love her child even if she/he is a criminal. Maybe she goes out of her way to do things for her married daughters because they live far away and not with her. Mothers also tend to give those children more attention who are facing crisis or issues in life. They want to make them feel better. Perhaps your sisters share their problems with your mother and she only wants to give them love and devotion. You, on the other hand, live with her and maybe she feels that perhaps you don’t want that much love and attention. Also, some moms don’t know how to say, “I love you” or give their kid a hug. Desi parents don’t express their love that often. They would rather set rules and restrictions than say, “I love you.” Desi parents express their love by buying things for you or cooking your favourite meal, etc. Cut her some slack as I’m sure she misses her husband too.

Mathira’s advice:

When parents give more love and attention to one child, it means that they know that child is weak. Your mom knows you’re strong and can face anything, whereas your sisters might not have that ability. That’s why she’s fulfilling her duty by being there for the other children. Kids do want their parents to be hovering over them but sometimes love’s silent. Love is when you pray for someone and remember them before sleeping and after waking up. Also, love remains in the mind and the heart. You sound strong and your mom knows it. She’s there for the others like a cushion. I know it’s really tough. Losing one of your parents is bound to make us lonelier and sadder but please don’t feel that way because your mom does love you. If you’re buying her things that means you’re fulfilling your responsibilities. Taking care of old parents is a responsibility and one shouldn’t repeat whatever it is that they do for them. Mentioning it would waste the good that you do.